"Data Processing Definitions"
Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is
called for, and the instant at which management expects the final
report.
Assembler - One who drops his card deck.
Assumed Decimal Point - Located two positions to the right of a
programmer's current salary in estimating his own worth.
Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
Breakpoint - The point at which programmer increments past last bit
available.
Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up
output.
Checkpoint - The location from which a programmer draws his salary.
Core Storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples.
Counter - A device over which martinis are served.
Crash - What a detached (q.v.) programmer would dearly love to do, for
at least eight hours.
Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off
to sea at de next major quake.
Detached - What programmer becomes after third day without sleep.
Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.
Disassembler - An unattended five year old child.
Diskettes - A group recently formed from old members of the rockettes.
Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system,
or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.
Error - What someone else has made when he disagrees with your
computer output.
External Storage - A wastebasket.
Fixed Word Length - Four-letter words used by programmers in a state
of confusion.
Floating Control - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to
the restroom but cannot leave the computer.
Floating Point - The absolute limit before floating control is lost.
Flow Chart - A graphic representation of the fastest route to the
restroom.
Hardware - Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman
has reassembled cpu.
Host - Person who insists on keeping visiting programmer up until 4 am
with trivia.
I/O Device - Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new
(old) car.
Input - Food, whiskey, beer, asprin, etc.
Library - An organized collection of obsolete material.
Load - What you dump after reaching floating point.
Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of
command.
Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro".
Memory Dump - Amnesia.
Mainframe - Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the
system crash.
Microsecond - Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.
Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband
upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.
On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with
management at 9pm.
Peripheral - Now you see it, now you don't...
Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with
inanimate objects.
Source file - One which was "appropriated" from one of the
competitors.
Switch - When management changes its mind.
Terminal - Condition of detached programmer three days further along.
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