From victor Wed Oct 21 17:17:56 1992
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Date: Wed, 21 Oct 92 17:17:56 EDT
From: victor (Victor Grubbs)
Message-Id: [9210212117.AA17181@marie.stat.uga.edu]
To: david
Xref: athena.cs.uga.edu talk.bizarre:58486 comp.misc:7303
Path: athena.cs.uga.edu!emory!wupost!waikato.ac.nz!spt
From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,comp.misc
Subject: The Net Hero rides the Keyboard
Message-ID: [1992Oct21.081156.11550@waikato.ac.nz]
Date: 20 Oct 92 19:11:56 GMT
References: [1992Oct21.081129.11549@waikato.ac.nz]
Followup-To: talk.bizarre,comp.misc,rec.humor
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X-From: spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
X-Newsgroups: rec.humor
X-Date: 21 Oct 92 08:11:29 +1300
X-Organization: Just behind the back of beyond
Lines: 68
It's dark, and late, and shitty outside. It's 3am, but I can't sleep,
somewhere, sometime, some*, something is happening on the net, and I
want to be there to catch it.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
RETURN OF THE SELF-RIGHTEOUS NET-FUCKWIT SUPER-HERO
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
I login from home and go straight to my favourite group, rec.humor.
There's guaranteed to be someone to flame for something. OOOH!!! A
spelling mistake. By the time I'm finished, the bastard will rue the
day he ever logged in!
I mail him "Spelling Mistake Memo #2" and I've been using #1 far too
much recently, and #3 and #4 are under review.
#2 goes something like:
"Hey, FUCKHEAD!
Can't you even spare the fraction of CPU it takes to spell-check
your work before posting it to the net. It's shit-eating bastards
like you who really fuck the net around and make it a real pain in
arse to use. Shit, pricks like you piss me off! Why don't you
get a *real* life."
Then I post a massive flame to the net (under an assumed username of course)
saying what a shithead they are and how what they said was crap (as usual)
While I'm in a flaming mood, I flame a couple of people in alt.sex for spelling
masturbation with two S's, flame a guy for having a two line signature, flame
someone else for NOT having a 2 line signature, and flame myself a couple of
times because I like to keep my hand in, and I don't want to get rusty.
I've still got some flame left so I ring my mother and tell her not to burn my
toast tommorrow morning too.
I start doing my favourite thing of the day - tracking back anonymous posters
and following up their articles with the real name, address and underwear size.
Shit I love doing that.
I post some witty criticism to the net, consisting in the main of "Fuck you
Too, Asshole!" and then open alt.feminism.
For the third time this week I post what *I* believe feminism to be, the
*real* definition, not that wimpy excuse those women use all the time. I mean
as a feminist, I find some of those chicks are just so stupid they need their
heads seen to. Not like me, I'm completely adjusted now ECT has worn off...
I check through news groups looking for people who've posted discussions to
the wrong newsgroup, then flame them for it, then I follow up in the same
newgroup telling them what assholes they are for doing it in the first place,
but seeing as I've been on the net much longer than they have, I'm allowed
to do it - this is old-news-hand privilege of course.
Then I wander home and stick my head in the gas oven for a 2 hour roast...
--
______________________________________________________________________
The Sturgeon General has determined that reading signatures can cause gross
deformities in fish, carrots, turnips, politicians and other dumb animals
DO NOT LOOK AT THIS SIGNATURE THROUGH A MAGNIFYING GLASS
spt@waikato.ac.nz - Simon Travaglia, Computer Services, University of Waikato
Fax: 064-7-838-4066 Ph: 064-7-838-4008 SM: Priv. Bag, Hamilton, New Zealand
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Lord, when we are wrong, make us easy to change. And when we are right, make
us easy to live with. -- Peter Marshall
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