Subject: REAL NO-FAIL MONEY MAKING PLAN (parody)
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--==++ GuArAntEEd n0-fAiL m0NeY SkAmZ! ++==--
--==++ By: quickie [quickie@snider.net] ++==--
----------------------------------------------------
I know you've seen those cheap "Make Money FAST! No strings!" messages
all over usenet recently. You wondered if those plans really
work. Well, they dont. The people that post those are blithering
insect-brained idiots. Most of them come from AOL.
You may be asking yourself RIGHT NOW whether or not this is another
one of these crap pyramid money scams. IT'S NOT!!! THIS IS GUARANTEED
TO WORK! IT WILL NOT FAIL! but you must follow the instructions in
this letter EXACTLY. If you don't, you will not receive money and good
luck.
The instructions within this letter WILL ALWAYS WORK, no matter
what. But the system depends on your honesty and integrity. If you try
to screw the letter over, it will retaliate. For example:
A. H. K. in New Jersey did not follow the letter's instructions and
was plauged with bad luck and expensive computer problems for three
weeks until he finally decided to follow the letter's
instructions. Within seven hours he had received a brand-new CHRP
compliant 150MHz dual-PPC604 workstation and T1 internet access to his
house. Because he also received $769,275.63 in the mail, he was able
to veg out and live on IRC all day.
M. A. G. in Arkansas did not follow the letter's instructions and died
of a rare and excruciatingly painful disease three days later. Her
daughter saw a copy of the letter laying on the table, followed the
letter's instructions, and lost her virginity that very night.
D. R. B. in Minnesota immedialy complied with the letter's
instructions and became an omnipotent entity approximately forty-two
seconds after putting the envelopes in the mail. He is known to
inhabit IRC occaisionaly with a nick of "floop".
Now that you're convinced, let me outline the plan for you to follow
so YOU TOO can have limitless cash and good luck.
You may wish to print this letter out so you may read it and go over
the steps carefully. That way you can go back if you didn't understand
something.
HOW TO DO IT: (remember: Follow these instructions carefully!)
-------------
STEP ONE:
THE VERY FIRST THING you have to do is mail off ten to twenty
copies of this letter to friends and associates. MAKE SURE THE ENTIRE
LETTER IS IN ITS ORIGINAL FORM. Changing ANYTHING will result in bad
luck. (see above) Also, if you received this letter via E-Mail or
usenet, post it and mail it to AS MANY people as you can. This means
Newsgroup: header lines that have at least 50 newsgroups in them. You
must email it to EVERY PERSON you know who has an internet, AOL,
CompuServe, MSN, Prodigy, GEnie, MCImail, or any other email address
that you can reach. Also, take email addresses off of the next 20
usenet posts you read and send the letter there. If you got the letter
over usenet and it already has a long list of newsgroups on it, add
one or two. This will keep the CHAIN GOING. If YOU DO NOT do this you
will not recieve the cash and may in fact get a nasty fungal toenail
infection instead.
STEP TWO:
Take a shower. Dress in relatively nice-looking clothes. Shirt and
slacks if possible (no MegaDeath, Winger, or any other music
shirts. Also no baggy-ass grunge-monkey pants). Use deodorant. Comb
your hair. Clean under your finger- nails. Grab a ballpoint pen and
put it in your pocket.
STEP THREE:
Get in your car and drive (or walk or ride your bike) around town
looking for signs in store windows and on outside signboards that say
"HELP WANTED", "NOW HIRING", or "WE HIRE SMILING FACES". Also check
fast food resturants and inside malls.
STEP FOUR:
Upon locating said sign, walk into store and ask for a
manager. When he comes to talk to you, ask for an APPLICATION. When he
gives it to you, fill it out with the ballpoint pen you put in your
pocket earlier. Be sure to put rel- atively correct information into
the blanks (or FIELDS, for you geeks). Give the application back to
the manager when you're done. Ask him when you can come in for an
interview. WRITE THIS DATE AND TIME DOWN. Also, bring anything the
manager might ask you to bring. (NOTE: IF HE SAYS, "can you come in
right now?" SAY "YES!" AND DO IT. THEN DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS YOU TO
DO.)
STEP FIVE:
When the date and time you wrote on the card comes around, repeat
step two and go back to the store where you talked to the manager and
filled out the paperwork. Ask for the manager and say you have an
appointment. When he meets with you, answer his questions in a
reasonably truthful manner. He might tell you when you should come in
again. WRITE THIS DATE AND TIME DOWN. Then come in then. If he tells
you to get lost or says, "sorry, we can't use you right now," repeat
all the steps from step two (NOTE: THROWING A RUNNING PUNCH AT HIM AS
YOU LEAVE IS NOT RECOMMENDED.).
Within three to four weeks you will start to receive money in the
mail. Go to the bank and cash the check that comes. Amazingly, you
will recieve these checks EVERY TWO WEEKS for as long as you
want. Unlike other scams, you don't have to fool with dollar bills by
the hundreds. This money comes in one lump sum every two weeks,
GUARANTEED.
- IMPORTANT - IMPORTANT - IMPORTANT - IMPORTANT - IMPORTANT - IMPORTANT -
When you receive the FIRST amount of money in the mail YOU MUST mail
$5 to EACH person on the following list. This is small compensation
for the amount of cash you will be recieving EVERY TWO WEEKS. If you
also email any expensive software you might have, along with
registration codes or installer disk images, to the five people on the
list, your good luck will increase tremendously.
DO NOT add your name to the list or take the top name off of the list,
or edit the list IN ANY WAY. (D. Gates in Washington did so and found
herself being tortured in a North Korean concentration camp. As far as
we know, she is still there today. Her son found the letter and
followed the instructions, and now holds totalitarian control over
most of the world.)
THE LIST:
G. Robertson
2283 W. Spruce Rd.
Little Rock, AR, 72205
[max@d139.snider.net]
F. Thomas
2283 Spruce
Little Rock, AR, 72205-6253
[rixno@d139.snider.net]
K. Jacobs
2283 W. Spruce
Little Rock, Arkansas, 72205
[quickie@snider.net]
J. Doe
2283 Spruce Rd.
Little Rock, AR, 72205-6253
[jerky@d139.snider.net
I. P. Freely
2283 W. Spruce
Little Rock, AR, 72205
[d139.snider.net!ipf]
REMEMBER:
FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS IN THIS LETTER AND YOU WILL GET MONEY. You do
NOT want to be like W.M.K of New Mexico who disobeyed the letter and
now is a babbling vegetable.
However, you MUST BE HONEST for this letter to work. Do what the
manager mentioned above, and the money will come. If you want MORE
MONEY, repeat the steps or ask the aforementioned manager about
"werkin mor ours". He will know what this means and your money supply
will increase.
IF THIS METHOD WORKS FOR YOU, and it WILL, send an email message to
quickie@snider.net and let me know how much you've made! If you're the
1000th mailer, you will receive a prize!
IT WON'T WORK UNLESS YOU TRY IT!!!!!
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---=+[ 501 c0mmunicati0nz ]+=------------------------=+[ OFFICIAL ENDER ]+=---
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Author: quickie of 501 [quickie@snider.net]
Title : GuArAntEEd n0-fAiL m0NeY SkAmZ!
FName : $skamz.txt
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Copyright 1996 501 c0mmunicati0nz. This work may be freely copied. All rights
reserved. Distributon of modified versions of this work is punishable by death.
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