Date: 16 Jun 88 18:34:42 PDT (Thursday)
Subject: Life 3.8
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LOS ANGELES (AP) - The only son of Academy Award-winning actor Ray
Milland was found dead in his West Los Angeles apartment with a gunshot
wound in the head and a rifle by his side, police said today.
"It's apparently an undetermined cause of death right now," Detective Sgt.
Glenn Varner said this morning. "We don't like to jump into conclusions."
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From an article on meteorites in last Sunday's New York Times magazine:
"Very large meteorites, however, ... strike the earth without slowing down at all.
Because they are more massive than the column of air they displace during their
passage through the atmosphere, the atmosphere is incapable of decelerating
them."
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Self-Defeating inventions (edited):
1. Elevator Earth Shoes
2. Heat n' eat popsicles
3. See-through mirror
4. Revolving basement restaurant
5. G-rated pornflick
6. Economy car conversion - fiberglass VW body on a Porsche chassis
7. Roll-on hairspray
8. Solar-powered foghorn
9. Moped exercycle
10. Objective journalism
11. Braille speedometers
Also...
"A commercial on KMPX ... for Michel's Crepes - pronounced "crapes" by the
announcer - ends with 'It's like having a French chef in the freezer.' Pauvre
Pierre."
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I read in the paper the other week that Ohio State University researchers have
devised plastic "trees" that attract woodpeckers to nest in them. The Plastic trees
are made of a soft polystyrene that is similar to rotten wood. They want the
woodpeckers to come back to get rid of tree eating bugs.
Isn't this a great country we live in were we can't leave a few old trees stand for
woodpeckers to live in but put up genuine simulated rotten trees made of plastic
instead.
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Inducing the Body To Form New Bones. . .
BOSTON - can induce the body to form new bones of its own - a
discovery that may have many uses in correcting birth defects,
treating accident victims and fighting dental disease. Slug AM-New
Bones. New, will stand. 500 words. Embargoed by source until 11 p.m.
EDT. Laserphoto BX12.
----------------------------------------------------
From "Software News"; August 3, 1981
------------------------------------
COMPUTERS CONSUME HACKERS
Psychologists have warned that computers have spawned a group of
addicts, who often neglect nutrition, personal lives or anything
interfering with their activities in front of a computer console,
according to an article in "Science Digest Magazine".
Particularly acute among college and high school-age youths, the
computer addiction phenomenon is just another escape from social
adjustment in many cases.
"Everyone has problems socially to some degree, and the computer
can act as just another escape mechanism," said Ralph Gorin,
director of computer facilities at Stanford University.
"The youngster (or `hacker' as the addicts have been called)
feels like `I just can't stand it anymore' so he runs down to
the computer room. The computer doesn't care what time it is
or what you look like or what you may have been doing lately.
The computer doesn't scold you or talk back," he continued.
-- Carry Him Off ---
"I remember one hacker. We literally had to carry him off his
chair to feed him and put him to sleep. We really feared for
his health," an MIT computer science professor was quoted as
saying.
Although the typical hackers are attempting to create the
"ultimate program," they seldom make "desirable" programmers,
Joseph Weizenbaum, author and also MIT Computer Science
Professor, claimed in the article.
The so-called "hacker" makes the program so complex and esoteric,
others have difficulty understanding it, he said. Furthermore,
the hacker rarely keeps records, Weizenbaum added.
"Computers are attractive because, to a higher degree than any
other object, they are interesting and malleable," said Philip
Zimbardo, a Stanford professor of psychology. Like people, they
interact, and like people, they answer questions. However, they
answer more questions and respond to them more accurately, the
article pointed out.
-- Subtle --
"The youngsters can form as many subtle nuances and textured
relationships with the computers as they can with people," said
Sherry Turkle, a sociology professor at MIT.
Computers are becoming more and more "our world," the article
concludes, meaning these addicts are not just a freak phenomenon.
"So perhaps hackers are, after all, harbingers of the world to
come," the article concludes.
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END OF ARTICLE
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I wonder how Jack Webb might have handled this...
****** SCENE FROM "DRAGNET, 1981" ******
Hacker at console: Let's see, now. If I hit an escape in TECO,
I'll...
Sgt. Friday (bursting in and dragging kid from console): All
right, you, up against the wall. (Slams kid against
wall while handcuffing him.)
Hacker: Hey, what've I done? What is all this?
Friday: Just shut up, kid. You're hacking. It's antisocial,
unethical, and unsanitary. Also, you've got long
sideburns. I thought we got rid of all you hippies
back in the 70's. C'mon, we're going downtown...
[Downtown at "Parker Center"]
Friday: Got another one, Bill.
Bill Gannon (Friday's partner): My God, will they ever learn?
Friday: THIS one's going to.
Bill: Where you taking him?
Friday: The usual place, that big cell we reserve for murderers,
rapists, drug dealers, longhairs, suspected homosexuals,
and TECO users.
Bill: I'm sure he falls into several of those categories.
Friday: No doubt.
[ Woman bursts into office. She has "Motorcycle Mama" tattooed
on her left forearm ]
Woman: What have you done with my son?
Hacker: Uh, hi, mom!
Friday: This your son, lady?
Woman: He is indeed. What are you doing with him? What has he
done?
Friday: He has long sideburns.
Woman: I'll admit that's pretty bad. Anything else?
Friday: He's a hacker.
Woman: A HACKER?! What are you talking about?
Friday: We found him down at the University computer center,
working on TECO macros.
Woman: MY SON! I don't believe it. He's always told me he went
out at night to pick up girls for sadomasochistic sex
practices.
Friday: Nothing so innocent as that, I'm afraid. He may only be
a small-time hacker now, but that's only the start. We
see this sort of thing every day. They start on TECO.
Then they progress to display editors. Before you know
it, they're writing their own system calls, and there's
no stopping them!
Woman [sobbing]: Oh my God. My God.
Friday: He's not lost yet. We may be able to save him. We have
a special "reorientation" course for people like him.
While we're at it, we'll cut his sideburns.
Woman [clutching Friday's hand]: Oh thank you. Thank you.
----------
--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison
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