From: cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com (Henry Cate III)
Reply-to: cate3.osbu_north@xerox.com
Organization: XSoft (A Xerox Company)
Date: 8 Jun 91 18:24:43 PDT (Saturday)
Subject: Life 7.C
Selections from Spaf's collection:
----------------------------------------------------
While you're at the shore, take a bucket of paint and a brush, paint the backs
of all the boats, and really get the folks annoyed at you as you
leave no stern untoned.
----------------------------------------------------
But what if it is true?
Lynn Persoff was sentenced for contempt of court in August for violating a
court order (on a divorce settlement) not to bad-mouth her ex-husband,
Myron. At a black-tie social event in Boca Raton, Fla., a community in
which both are well-known socialites, she called him a "moron."
----------------------------------------------------
Where do you want to go to jail
In January, Bernard Sexton, 26, of Cambridge, Ill., withdrew his guilty plea
to misdemeanor alcohol charges and pleaded instead to a related felony,
good for an 18-month sentence. Reason: The county jail where misdemeanants
are sent bans smoking, but the state prison permits it.
----------------------------------------------------
One way to take care of the world's population
The IRS has reported the "disappearance" of more than 8 million American
children during the late 1980s, "caused" by tax reform legislation. That
number is the total of all children claimed as dependents of beneficiaries of
child care tax credits before 1987 but who were never again claimed once the
IRS started requiring proof that such children existed.
----------------------------------------------------
let him die?
Brian Kernodle, 21, walked into a Key West hospital emergency room in January
with two hand grenades strapped to his body and demanded medical care. After
being promised care, he disarmed himself, explaining that he thought his
approach was the best way to ensure that he would get attended to in the busy
hospital.
----------------------------------------------------
It seems that in Florida, when EMS was just beginning many years ago,
there was an ER doctor on the med channels who was talking to paramedics
who were trying to restar a guy's heart, to no avail. As the medics
kept trying, the MD ordered every drug in the drug box into
the patient, in the hopes that *SOMETHING* would work. When his last
option was exhausted, in desperation, he asked "Is there a phone book
there?" The surprised medics answered affirmatively, and the MD asked
"Do you know this guy's name?" The bewildered medics again answered
yes. "OK," the doc said, "Look up his name and CROSS IT OUT..."
----------------------------------------------------
From: cj@modernlvr.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
durrell@umaxc.weeg.uiowa.edu (Cyberpixie) writes:
Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books you used to see?
I want to use that style to write technical manuals for
products in development.
"If this engineering decision is made, turn to page 40.
Otherwise, turn to page 62."
----------------------------------------------------
This story came by way of Ian Smith [iansmith@cc.gatech.edu]
and Keith Edwards [keith@cc.gatech.edu].
Date: Sat, 06 Apr 91 13:08:00 -0800
From: "S. Ansell" [SMA0194@ritvax.isc.rit.edu]
Hi,
My name is Seth, I'm a grad student in color science at RIT in
Rochester N.Y., an area in which the national weather bureau states
that we receive an average of 62 sunny days per year. One of the many
advantages of this, is that, unlike people who live in California, *we
don't have to worry about getting skin cancer.*
Anyhow, I was cleaning out my mail files and found this... I thought
someone out there might appreciate it.
HEAVY BOOTS
About 6-7 years ago, I was in a philosophy class at the University of
Wisconsin, Madison (good science/engineering school) and the teaching
assistant was explaining Descartes. He was trying to show how things
don't always happen the way we think they will and explained that,
while a pen always falls when you drop it on Earth, it would just
float away if you let go of it on the Moon.
My jaw dropped a little. I blurted "What?!" Looking around the room,
I saw that only my friend Mark and one other student looked confused
by the TA's statement. The other 17 people just looked at me like
"What's your problem?"
"But a pen would fall if you dropped it on the Moon, just more
slowly." I protested.
"No it wouldn't." the TA explained calmly, "because you're too far
away from the Earth's gravity."
Think. Think. Aha! "You saw the APOLLO astronauts walking around on
the Moon, didn't you?" I countered, "why didn't they float away?"
"Because they were wearing heavy boots." he responded, as if this made
perfect sense (remember, this is a Philosophy TA who's had plenty of
logic classes).
By then I realized that we were each living in totally different
worlds, and did not speak each others language, so I gave up. As we
left the room, my friend Mark was raging. "My God! How can all those
people be so stupid?"
I tried to be understanding. "Mark, they knew this stuff at one time,
but it's not part of their basic view of the world, so they've
forgotten it. Most people could probably make the same mistake."
To prove my point, we went back to our dorm room and began randomly
selecting names from the campus phone book. We called about 30 people
and asked each this question:
1. If you're standing on the Moon holding a pen, and you let go,
will it a) float away, b) float where it is, or c) fall to the
ground?
About 47 percent got this question correct. Of the ones who got
it wrong, we asked the obvious follow-up question:
2. You've seen films of the APOLLO astronauts walking around on the
Moon, why didn't they fall off?
About 20 percent of the people changed their answer to the first
question when they heard this one! But the most amazing part was that
about half of them confidently answered, "Because they were wearing
heavy boots."
----------------------------------------------------
In article [2550@odin.cs.hw.ac.uk], sfleming@cs.hw.ac.uk (Stewart T. Fleming) writes:
A couple of literature-related topics this month :
The Director of one of Britain's radio stations has cancelled the
serialization of Tolstoy's epic "War and Peace". Ten weeks of the
series had been broadcast before it was realised that at the current
rate of progress, it would take approximately 70 years to complete the
book. As compensation, the station is now running a competition to win
a video commentary on the book. This comes in the form of a 3-video
set. In Russian. Without subtitles.
It could be worse. One of Japan's daily newspapers has been serialising
a novel for the past 20 years. It is expected to be published in a
40-volume hardback set "shortly".
Another BBC Radio programme (Radio 4's "Strange Tales") has revealed a
mysterious 250-year-old scandal involving the statue commemorating
William Shakespeare in Westminster Abbey. Sharp-eyed readers will note
that the inscription on the statue appears to be Prospero's famous
speech (which I have conveniently forgotten. "...The cloud-cupp'd
towers, the gorgeous palaces, Shall dissolve and leave not a wreck
behind..." ?) from "The Tempest" (generally taken to be W.S.'s last
play), but in fact it has been altered quite intentionally.
The difference has been noted for some while now, but the significance
has only recently become apparent. The chairman of the Baconian
Society, Mr Thomas Brockenham, claims that the inscription actually
contains a secret code, which when decoded using a cipher published in
1625 (!), reveals the claim that "The Tempest" was actually written by
Francis Bacon. More interestingly, the statue was erected by public
subscription by several prominent pupils of Bacon, including Alexander
Pope.
----------------------------------------------------
Subject: Do you know calculus?
From: lvron@earth.lerc.nasa.gov (Ronald E. Graham)
The differential of hi over ho is (ho d hi - hi d ho) over ho ho.
Subject: Local college offers Star Trek anthropology course
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.info
An article in the Thursday,February 7 Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA)
by Michael Zitz was about an undergraduate anthropology course examining
episodes of Star Trek (TOS) for their anthropological relevance. The
instructor, Prof. Margaret Huber, had noticed that students who seemed
bored and listless during a review session for physical anthropology
perked up when she referred to an old Star Trek episode to make a point.
The course Anthropology 472: Anthology of Star Trek analyzes Star Trek as
a mirror of contemporary American culture and American attitudes about
other cultures. There is no dramatic criticism, film criticism, or
literary criticism involved, the focus is to teach the class to look at
the episodes with an anthropologist's eye. The 22 episodes chosen for
this class all demonstrate how American popular culture has led to a
mixture of fact and fiction. One example used is "The Paradise Syndrome",
in which Captain Kirk is stranded on an Earth-like planet that has
produced a civilization similar to that of Native Americans before the
intrusion of the white man.
The anthropological point of this episode is that American popular culture
portrays all Native Americans as Plains Indians, and that has resulted in
a mish-mash of dwellings, dress, rites, and symbols in the Star Trek
episode.
The instructor cautions that this is not a course for those students
looking for an easy A but a real anthropology course that uses material
that many of today's college students are already familiar with to examine
anthropological theory.
----------------------------------------------------
These are quotes Dan Quayle is suppose to have made:
Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the
Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals,
we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If
oxygen, that means we can breathe.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN
the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that
is right here.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle,
Hawaii, September 1989
We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
of human rights.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican
Forum, March 1990
Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit about farm policy.
I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments -
which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
define the term "target prices."
Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.
May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
-- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card.
[Not a beacon of literacy, though.]
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to
tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle
We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
United States!
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
----------------------------------------------------
Contributed by: mark thompson (mark@megatek.UUCP)
True fact (humor in the financial press):
A very large government contractor (VLGC) is involved in a proxy fight with
a questionable outside investor (QOI). The QOI published the following in
a large number of big city newspapers (BCNs). It quotes statements from the
VLGC's annual statement and the QOI's translation... quote
[VLGC] says Our translation
We characterize 1989 as a transitional
year which prepared us for strong 1989 was a bad year
financial performance in 1990 and beyond.
[VLGC]'s sales increased slightly when Sales are down $541 million.
adjusted for completion of the [plane 1] But they're up if you count
program. business we don't have anymore.
A third initiative centers on our efforts
to attract commercial aircraft sub-
contracting work to our facilities in We still haven't found a
Georgia. We are continuing discussions replacement business for the
with potential customers and expect to [plane 1].
build this base significantly.
The write-offs are expected to cover excess The write-offs will be even
costs to completion after estimated pricing higher unless the govern-
adjustments and contract changes. ment agrees to rewrite the
contracts.
Absent the write-off on the [plane 2] air- Profit margins are down. But
craft modification program margins also they are up if you don't
improved for the technology services group. count the business we lost
money on.
The stock buy-back program to recover from
the market share equivalent to those issued We stopped buying back shares
to the ESOP was suspended in 1989, pending because we were running out
clarification of the timing of cash require- of money.
ments related to the 1989 write-offs.
There are hundreds of ongoing programs Our funded backlog keeps going
throughout [VLGC] that form a solid business down:
base. Many of the programs extend well into
the future. Ordinarily, because of the method 1986 $9.7 billion
of funding of government programs, they do 1987 $8.4 billion
not appear in the backlog beyond the current 1988 $7.4 billion
year. 1989 $7.1 billion
Early this year, we agreed with the customer
that work on future phases of this program We got fired.
will be performed by another supplier.
Regarding the [plane 3], several factors have
occasioned design and schedule difficulties
in developing the aircraft. Significant among
these factors was an expectation of a high We bid on the wrong plane.
degree of commonality with the [plane 4]
which turned out not to be attainable due to
other performance characteristics required by
the Navy.
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