Article 174868 of rec.humor:
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From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Subject: Life 9.J
Message-ID: [cate3D65tx5.6JD@netcom.com]
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Date: Tue, 28 Mar 1995 17:00:41 GMT
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Date: 5 Apr 93 17:39:24 PDT (Monday)
Subject: Life 9.J
----------------------------------------------------
The sayings below are from a French Fortune file which was sent to me by
ppg@oasis.icl.co.uk (Philippe Goujard)
And then it was translated into English by:
Christopher Neufeld [neufeld@helios.physics.utoronto.ca]
--------------------------
Pardon me, mister, but did you see a truck full of monkeys go by here?
- No, why? Did you fall off?
--------------------------
We often say: "Close the window, it's cold outside." Nevertheless, after
the window is closed, it's still cold outside.
--------------------------
History books which contain no lies are very rare.
--------------------------
He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his
memoires in 10 volumes...
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A good reputation is worth more than money
--------------------------
Once lost, a kilogram of gold can be recovered, but a lost moment
cannot be.
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Be polite to those people inferior to you (assuming you can find any)
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A scientist builds so he can learn, an engineer learns so he can build...
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Human silliness is the closest approximation we have to infinity.
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All I know is that I know nothing!! Socrates.
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To understand is to forgive.
--------------------------
Why don't we build cities in the countryside? The air is so much cleaner
there!
--------------------------
The really profound truths are always found on T-shirts
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An idea is not responsible for the person who thinks of it.
--------------------------
Beware of people who know the answer before having understood the question
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Sometimes it would be better for mirrors to stop and think before
rendering their images.
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Nothing is too good to be true. (FARADAY)
--------------------------
Justice is, for most men, nothing more than the fear of suffering
injustice. (LA ROCHEFOUCAULD)
--------------------------
We have more to gain by seeing ourselves as we are than by trying to
appear to be something which we are not. (LA ROCHEFOUCAULD)
--------------------------
Genius is to look at what everyone sees, and to think of something
nobody has thought of before.
--------------------------
No matter how steep the climb, the path is always descending if you go
the other way. And vice versa.
--------------------------
The pretentious idiot is the one who believes himself smarter than those
as stupid as he. (PIERRE DAC)
--------------------------
To depart, is to die a little bit...
To die is to depart a whole bunch...
--------------------------
The plan of the communist party ...
Give me your watch, and I'll tell you what time it is !
--------------------------
Vases are made of clay, but it the hole inside which makes it useful.
--------------------------
To spurn philsophy is to philosophize.
--------------------------
He who doesn't think, errs often ! (L. de VINCI)
--------------------------
An intellectual is a person who goes into a library... even when it's
not raining ! (Andre ROUSSIN)
--------------------------
I'm pleased to be understood by men who understand stuff which I don't
understand. (Coluche)
--------------------------
We are not responsible for the brain we are given...
But we are responsible for what we do with it !
--------------------------
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to program in BASIC
and he'll make bugs for the rest of his life !
--------------------------
When a body is immersed in water, it comes out wet.
--------------------------
When a finger is pointed at the moon, the idiot looks at the finger !
(Chinese proverb)
--------------------------
The one making the best time is usually the one who doesn't know where
he's going.
--------------------------
If you want to go to sea without risking drowning, you don't need a
boat, you need an island ! (Marcel Pagnol)
--------------------------
Don't be superstitious, it's bad luck !
--------------------------
Please fill out this form in triplicate: one copy for yourself, one for
the CIA, and one which we'll burn so the Russians can't get their hands
on it.
--------------------------
Idiocy is so much more interesting than intelligence. Intelligence has
its limitations, but idiocy has none ! (Claud Chabrol)
--------------------------
Liberty is like good heath: we only think about it when we don't have it !
--------------------------
We our happy to be able, as of twoday, to popose an spell check prograhm.
--------------------------
Statistics are to the statistician as a street lamp is to a drunk : they
don't illuminate so much as they support.
--------------------------
What is the national symbol of Switzerland ? A snail with brakes !
--------------------------
There's a new memory chip on the market in Egypt .
The RAM CS-2.
--------------------------
Two writers: - My four year old girl burned my manuscript
- Great ! She can already read !
--------------------------
He who follows in the footsteps of others will never pass them !
(Mao Tse-Toung)
--------------------------
History is an art gallery with few originals and a whole bunch of copies !
(Alexis de Tocqueville)
--------------------------
Nature makes differences, society makes inequality.
--------------------------
Tourism consists of taking people who'd be better off where they live,
to places which would be better off without them ! (Hean Mistler)
--------------------------
Pray if you like, but keep swimming toward shore...
--------------------------
Marry an archeologist. The older you get, the more he'll like you !
(Agatha Christie)
--------------------------
- Don't run, you'll never catch up with the bus !
- I'd better, I'm the driver !
--------------------------
It is forbidden to forbid.
--------------------------
Without love, there is no life.
Without life, there can be no love.
--------------------------
To live is to risk death.
--------------------------
Cerebral hemorrages are rarer among amateur and professional football
players. So are brains. (Desprosges)
--------------------------
A tourist is somebody who travels hundreds of kilometres to get a
picture of himself standing in front of a car ! (Jean Delacour)
--------------------------
Why do we say that the walls have ears when we listen at doors?
--------------------------
When a philosopher answers, you realize that you didn't really
understand the question you asked him ! (Andre Gide)
--------------------------
Tradition is the fool's personality ! (Maurice Ravel)
--------------------------
All morning, the american businessman talks about golf in his office.
The rest of the day he discusses work on the golf course .
--------------------------
Dieting is the short period of sacrifice before a weight gain !
--------------------------
Don't sell the skin before you've killed the bear.
--------------------------
Against stupidity, the gods themselves, strive in vain.
--------------------------
Be good as you climb up in the world, you never know who you'll meet
again on your way back down.
--------------------------
A person is never too busy to tell you how busy she is...
--------------------------
Tomorrow begins in the dreams of today.
--------------------------
There are many more working accidents than resting accidents. Safety first!
--------------------------
Users make typing errors.
Programmers merely type too quickly.
--------------------------
Please do not press [RETURN] during this login session.
Thank you. (The sysadmins)
--------------------------
Nothing is impossible to he who doesn't have to do it...
--------------------------
Avoiding the responsibility of studying a plan thoroughly at the
beginning guarantees having to explain its failure at the end.
--------------------------
Prediction is difficult, especially of the future.
--------------------------
Marguerite Duras did not only write nonsense.
She also filmed it. (P. Desproges)
--------------------------
Ignorance of one's own ignorance is the sickness of the ignorant.
--------------------------
The desire to do something does not automatically confer the ability to
do it ! (Isaac Asimov)
--------------------------
All salaries deserve some work, at least a bit.
--------------------------
Nothing catches on better than a "short saying" :
parrots speak only short fragments. (Tony Duvert)
--------------------------
The weak are dangerous because of their unfortunate passion for getting
behind idiots ! (Tony Duvert)
--------------------------
Having nothing to do is good, but there is one problem : you can't stop
to rest....
--------------------------
The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist hopes it'll change,
and the realist adjusts his sails. William Arthur WARD
--------------------------
People talented at making excuses are rarely talented at anything else.
--------------------------
If somebody tells you, "I'm just dying to tell you this...," let him die.
--------------------------
Understanding that you are ignorant is a large step towards wisdom !
--------------------------
Love is nice ...but Christmas comes more often ... (Swiss thought)
--------------------------
There are two infinite entities : the universe and human folly. I'm not
yet sure about the universe. (A.Einstein)
--------------------------
Marriage is like a place under seige; those who are outside want to get
in, and those who are inside want to get out (Chinese proverb)
--------------------------
The worst comes only when we think it's already here...
--------------------------
Television means to see far. We conclude that a nearsighted person
should wear a television over each eye. (Expert system)
--------------------------
He who speaks does not know, and he who knows does not speak...
--------------------------
Never forget that every cloud, no matter how dark, always has a sunlit
side, facing up. (Friedrich W. Weber)
--------------------------
If you travel a great distance with a donkey, even as far as Mecca, it
will still come back only as a donkey. (Turkish proverb)
--------------------------
An intelligent woman has millions of enemies : all the stupid men.
(Maria von Ebner-Eschenbach)
--------------------------
He who has never had an enemy will never find a friend.
(Tennyson)
--------------------------
People are most reluctant to pardon you for the sins of yours that they
recount. (Andre Maurois)
--------------------------
Politeness is a currency which enriches not the recipient, but the giver.
--------------------------
Demand much of yourself, and expect little of others.
This way you'll save yourself a lot of trouble.
--------------------------
Men generally resemble dogs who howl when they hear others howling in
the distance. (Voltaire)
--------------------------
I am strongly convinced that donkeys, when they insult each other, have
no more scathing insult than to call one another 'human'. (Heine)
--------------------------
Honesty is the greatest of evils, because it's the only one which evil
people never expect. (A.Dumas junior)
--------------------------
An imbecile is never bored, he is contemplating.
(Remy de Gourmont)
--------------------------
If you want people to think well of you, say nothing. (Pascal)
--------------------------
Politics: The art of promissing, reneging, yet still succeeding
LEO CAMPION
--------------------------
When I was young, I thought that money could buy happiness. Now I'm sure.
--------------------------
Try not to look shocked if you succeed on the first attempt !
--------------------------
The only truly wasted day is the one during which you didn't laugh
(Chamfort)
--------------------------
'These days, if you want to read a book which is worth the time spent,
you have to write it yourself' Gianfranco Sanguinetti
--------------------------
The unique essence of man is that he seeks out his unique essence.
(F. Bellard)
--------------------------
Is a general without a soldier dangerous ?
Boris Vian.
--
Henry Cate III [cate3@netcom.com]
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
"The Greatest Management Principle in the World" by Michael LeBoeuf:
The things that get rewarded, get done.
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