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Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 06:53:17 -0800
From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Message-Id: [199411171453.GAA09952@netcom20.netcom.com]
To: JWry.dl@netcom.com
Subject: Life C.D
Reply-to: cate3@netcom.com
Status: RO
---------------
Date: 7 Feb 94 17:15:28 PST (Monday)
Subject: Life C.D
The following are selections from a mailing list run by:
From: [NELSON_L@PLU.BITNET] "LARRY NELSON, PLU INST. RESEARCH & PLANNING"
----------------------------------------------------
6/29/93
Unfortunately, I have somehow lost track of the origin
of this thought provoking explanation of how to better
understand that which may previously have defied
understanding.
In France, everything is permitted, except what is
explicitly forbidden.
In Germany, everything is forbidden, except what is
explicitly permitted.
In Russia, everything is forbidden, including what is
explicitly permitted.
And in Italy, everything is permitted, especially what
is explicitly forbidden.
--------------------------
The following jokes all pertain to that
curious species which we call "nun". They (the
jokes, not the nuns) were provided by Scott Murdock
from U. of Missouri at Kansas City. All standard
apologies and disclaimers apply for the benefit of
my friends and readers of the female and/or Catholic
persuasions. Utmost respect is intended (Hear that
Mother Teresa"?).
Q: What do you call a nun climbing stairs?
A: A step-sister.
Q: What do you call a seven-foot nun needing directions?
A: A long-lost sister
Q: When do two gun-weilding sisters meet to have a shoot-out?
A: High Nun
Q: What would you title a murder mystery about ten murdered sisters?
A: "And Then There Were Nun"
Q: What do you call a nun who refuses to live at the convent?
A: Nun-conventional.
--------------------------
7/13/93
The following item found its way to me recently from
Linda Stocks, U of Calif, Los Angeles
[POLS0@UCLAAIS.BITNET]. I cannot personally vouch for its
scienfific accuracy, but it certainly illustrates a fact
that institutional research folks wrestle with on a daily
basis: "Things are seldom as simple as they seem at first
glance."
"Compared to manufacturing a Styrofoam cup... making a
paper cup consumes 28 percent more non-renewable
petroleum... 12 times as much steam... 36 times as much
chemical input... and twice as much cooling water. In
addition, making the paper cup produces three times as much
air pollution... at least ten times as much water
pollution... and 580 times as much waste water. What's
more, Styrofoam cups are completely recyclable... while
paper cups are not. And finally, paper cups cost three
times as much.
"Yet the belief is widespread that paper containers are
better for the environment than Styrofoam.
"This example points out the complexities behind
technological decisions... and illustrates the willingness
of many special interest groups to ignore the complexities
and focus exclusively on their own priorities."
Dr. Alan Schriesheim - Director, Argonne National Laboratories
- cited in Exchange, Spring 1993, Brigham Young University, Provo, Ut.
--------------------------
7/8/93
Today's bumperstickers are from Amy Ward
[cecalw@GWUNIX2.GWU.EDU], The George Washington University.
"Impeach the Clintons"
"Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican"
"Bill Clinton Doesn't Inhale -- He Sucks"
"Vote Republican -- It's Easier Than Thinking"
"Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway"
"No Matter Where You Go, There You Are"
"Cats Flattened While You Watch"
"Stamp Out Crime. Abolish the IRS."
"My Other Car Is a Broom"
"Happiness Is Your Mother-in-Law's Picture On the Back of a Milk Carton"
"Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?"
"Not All Men Are Fools. Some Men Are Bachelors"
"Husbands Are Proof That Women Have a Sense of Humor"
"Old Skiers Never Die. They Just Go Downhill.
"Disarm Rapists"
"My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma"
"If You Love Jesus-- Tithe -- Any Fool Can Honk"
"I'm OK. You're So-So."
"Scixelsyd Etinu" (read backwards)
"Your Mother's Choice Was Pro-Life"
"My Mother Was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips"
"Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car"
"Money Isn't Everything, but It Sure Keeps the Kids in Touch"
"My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student"
- - - - -
These come from BABA (???) [HARSH@CRNLGSM.BITNET].
Floggings will continue until morale improves
Ask Me About Satanism
Stamp out Flamenco
Caution: I can go from zero to ballistic in 1.4 seconds
Legalize Feenamint
I Dated Wilt Chamberlin
Millie for First Lady; Tipper for First Dog
Justice Thomas is an Oxymoron
Shoot the NRA
Join the Club of the Redundancy Club
No Grey Poupon
Sorry, I Don't Date Outside My Species
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
--------------------------
This item was recently shared by Dan Galvin
[galvin@tamuts.tamu.edu].
Did you know-
... "The average document is copied 19 times" in these
United States."
... "Executives spend 3 hours each, each week looking
for lost information."
... "Computers produce 600 million documents each day."
... "$11 Billion is spent each year on overnight
delivery services."
-Infoworld, June 14, 1993, p 24, 'Paperless'
--------------------------
From: Camille Eliason [ELAISON_C@PLU]
Some people stay longer in an hour that others do in a month.
There's a town so dull that when the tide went out it
refused to come back.
The average person thinks they aren't.
Winning a hot argument has lost many a warm friend.
--------------------------
7/30/93
Last Friday, I attended a "Five Star Service" workshop
on our campus sponsored by PACRAO (Pacific Assn. of
Collegiate Registrars & Admissions Officers). It was pretty
worthwhile. I thought I'd share a couple of items from my
notes.
What Researchers Have Learned About Service. . .
1. Service has more impact that we had previously
thought and is worse than imagined.
2. Management must understand the impact of service in
order to take it seriously.
3. The longer you're in a service business, the greater
the odds are you don't understand your customer.
4. A service product is profoundly different from a
physical product.
5. Managers do not control the quality of the product
when the product is a service.
6. Management will have to evolve to a moments-of-truth
orientation (analyzing moments when service users come into
contact with us and form opinions about our service product)
to meet the demands of competition.
7. Employees are our first market; they have to "buy
into" to the importance of quality-of-service, or it will
never happen.
8. Systems are the enemy of service.
How to Do It!
1. Have the basics down pat.
2. Believe that quality is your job.
3. Know your customers.
4. Focus on "moments-of-truth" in your operations.
5. Have a "whatever it takes" attitude.
6. recover skillfully from blunders.
7. Offer service inside as well as outside.
8. See management as a helper and supporter.
9. Care about your employees.
10. Be perpetually unsatisfied with your performance.
11. Turn the pyramid of authority upside down.
- - - - -
--------------------------
Thanks today go to Barry Brumitt
[belboz@frc2.frc.ri.cmu.edu].
Here are some actual quotes from labels on packing of
common household products.
I was rather amused at the information written on the
bag [of JONNY CAT, cat litter].
The best has to be: "JONNY CAT is the best value for
your money. A 20 lb. bag of JONNY CAT contains 25% more
litter than 16 lb. bags, and 43% more than 14 lb. bags!"
"100% natural clay mined from a rare deposit makes Jonny
Cat especially absorbent."
AND THEN they have a section for "Other Uses" of Jonny
Cat:
"GARAGE SPILLS-sweeps up oil and grease and reduces
stains"
"TRASH CANS-a layer on the bottom reduces odors and
discourages flies"
"REFRIGERATORS- an inexpensive nontoxic odor absorbent"
"GARDENS-enhances water retention and soil aeration,
promotes growth"
Note from Larry: All this from a cat litter! Who could
ask for more! And I suppose, if you had your cat use the
litter *first* JONNY CAT would be an even better buy!
=-=-=
From a kid's Halloween costume (Superman) - stitched
into the cape was a tag saying "Warning: Use of This Device
Does Not Enable Wearer To Fly".
From a Pop-Tart (TM) box: "Warning: Pastry Filling May
Be Hot When Heated"
From a newspaper article: "A congressionally-funded
study has determined that many smokers are ignoring the
warning labels on cigarette packages"
On the package for Top Cog [tm] fan belts (automotive
use), the first step of the instructions tells you not to
change the belt while the engine is running.
=-=-=
]From a Boston Globe piece, during a 1973 summer heat wave, describing
ways to "beat the heat."
"No. 1. Stay out of the direct rays of the sun."
=-=-=
And my personal favorite....
Found on the inside of a pull top lid of a liquid
radiator sealant: "Caution: DO NOT LICK LID"
=-=-=
Written on the back of one of those things you put in
your car windshield on sunny days when you park to keep your
dash from melting: DO NOT OPERATE VEHICLE WITH SCREEN IN
PLACE!
--------------------------
Today's item is from Michael Irvin
[IRVINMJ@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu]. Michael says they're
"Murphy's Laws."
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
* Exceptions always outnumber rules.
* A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
* The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to
the softness of the bread.
* When there are sufficient funds in the checking
account, checks take two weeks to clear. When there are
insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
* Love letters, business contracts and money due you
always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives
the day it was sent.
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking.
--------------------------
"It ain't that there's too many fools in the world, it's
just that the lightnin' ain't distributed right!"
- Mark Twain
--------------------------
"Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and
that's what parents were created for."
Ogden Nash
"The weather bureau is a non-prophet organization."
--------------------------
The following are from a forthcoming book by Arthur
Bloch, entitled 'Murphy's Son-In-Laws.'
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen
Cleanliness is next to impossible
Lieberman's Law
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, cuz nobody listens.
Denniston's Law
Virtue is its own punishment.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Muir's Law
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it
hitched to everything else in the universe.
Lynch's Law
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
--------------------------
First, a quote sent by Layne Marshal [pookah@aol.com],
Victor Valley Community College (along with a comment from Layne).
"A long dispute means that both parties are wrong."
Voltaire
(But then, Voltaire didn't know about lawyers.)
--------------------------
Ellen Daleng [ed@FELLINI.NOCRC.ABB.NO] assembled these
quotes by women about men.
"I loathe housework. You make beds, wash dishes - and
six months later you have to start all over again."
Joan Rivers
"Every time I date a man I think: Is this the man I want
my children to spend their weekends with?"
Rita Rudner
"When a man gives his wife flowers for no apparent
reason - it has its reasons."
Molly McGee
--------------------------
Layne Marshal [pookah@aol.com] sent me this one.
"Everyone gets knocked down. But champions get up."
Alfred Armand Montapert
--------------------------
Quan Lam [ISSQKL@UCCVMA] provided the following. I am
amazed that people can think of these things.
Larry
"I found these word squares from one of my old, old
scrap books. Thought they might be interesting to some."
MERGERS BISHOP CIRCLE CUBE CIRCLE
ETERNAL ILLUME INURES UGLY IBERIA
REGATTA SLIDES RUDEST BLUE RECENT
GRAVITY HUDDLE CREASE EYES CREATE
ENTITLE OMELET LESSER LINTER
RATTLER PESETA ESTERS EATERS
SLAYERS
JUST MIGHT CREST LEAVE
UGLY IDLER REACH ELLEN
SLIP GLIDE EAGER ALONE
TYPE HEDGE SCENE VENOM
TREES THREE ENEMY
--------------------------
Joanne Cate [BUDLAO@UCCVMA] sent me the following, and I
thought you'd enjoy it. She wrote, "I'm cleaning out my
email accounts....came upon these TFTDs and
aphorisms....enjoy!
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be
looking for it."
Thoreau
If you could kick the person most responsible for your
trouble, you wouldn't be able to sit down for six months.
Opportunity often roams around disguised as hard work.
"A mistake is evidence that somebody has tried to accomplish
something."
John E. Babcock
If you can't have the best of everything, make the best
of everything you have.
Planning well is like shaving -- no matter how good you
do it today you will still have to do it again tomorrow.
--------------------------
My wife, Nancy, teaches first grade. She recently
shared with her students the book, "Sylvester and the Magic
Pebble." The story tells about Sylvester who found a magic
pebble and, as a result, could wish for or do anything he
wanted. After reading and discussing the story, Nancy asked
her children to write about it. The assignment was to
finish the sentence, "If I found magic pebble, I would. . ."
Here's what Jessica Hartman wrote.
"If I found a magic pebble, I would wish that I was a
hunter like my dad and to have my own room and to have a
water bed and to have all the chapter books I want and to
have a car and to be a teacher and to be the biggest sister
and to be the president and to get a job at Jack Pot (a
local gas station and convenience store)."
What would you wish for?
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