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Date: Tue, 29 Nov 1994 06:37:03 -0800
From: cate3@netcom.com (Henry Cate)
Message-Id: [199411291437.GAA09055@netcom5.netcom.com]
To: JWry.dl@netcom.com
Subject: Life C.F
Reply-to: cate3@netcom.com
Status: R
---------------
Date: 9 Feb 94 15:27:48 PST (Wednesday)
Subject: Life C.F
The first part is from alt.folklore.computeres
The second part is from rec.scouting
----------------------------------------------------
The following are stuff that was sifted out of alt.folklore.computers
--------------------------
The following was sifted out of alt.folklore.computers by:
Robert Cherry:Roch817
--------------------------
From: rolfl@ulrik.uio.no (Rolf Marvin Be Lindgren)
I remember once, picking up a pencil, I wondered whether it supported the
Norwegian letters (TeX \ae, \o, \aa).
--------------------------
From: russell@alpha3.ersys.edmonton.ab.ca (Russell Schulz)
I was told that at your site, someone had put a Zork shell on Multics.
(case distinctions for fun)
look
THERE ARE TWO FILES HERE: FOO AND BAR
take the file foo
DONE
throw it at the printer
YOUR OUTPUT IS SITTING IN THE BASEMENT OF MATH SCIENCES
--------------------------
From: hankins@sage.cs.swarthmore.edu (Luke Hankins)
.....
I understand the following commands (synonyms in parentheses)
change OBJECT to NEWNAME Changes the name of the object
clone OBJECT as NEWNAME Makes a copy of the object
drop OBJECTS Leaves the objects in the room
enter (go) PASSAGE Takes the labeled passage
examine OBJECTS Describes the objects in detail
feed OBJECT to MONSTER Stuffs the object into a UNIX monster
get (take) OBJECTS Picks up the specified objects
grip (bug) Report a problem with the Adventure shell
help Prints the summary
inventory (i) Tells what you are carrying
kill (destroy) OBJECTS Destorys the objects
look (l) Describes the room, including hidden objects
open (read) OBJECT Shows the contents of an object
quit (quit) Leaves the Adventure shell
resurrect OBJECTS Attempts to restore dead objects
steal OBJECT from MONSTER Obtains the object from a UNIX monster
throw OBJECT at daemon Feeds the object to the printer monster
up Takes the overhead passage
wake MONSTER Awakens a UNIX monster
where (w) Tells where you are
xyzzy Moves you to your home
----------------------------------------------------
The following was sifted out of alt.folklore.computers by:
Christopher Neufeld [neufeld@helios.physics.utoronto.ca]
--------------------------
From: Richard.Stewart@f301.n670.z3.fidonet.org (Richard Stewart)
In one of the most exciting archaeological finds of the century a team of
researchers in Tehran uncovered the skeleton of a dinosaur which had hitherto
only been found in North America.
The ribs and vertebrae were carefully preserved and a scientific mission
from Madrid flew out to conduct a thorough examination.
Things got even more exciting when their final report announced that the
reptile was, in fact, an abandoned hay-making machine which had got caught in
a landslide.
----
Until recently the world record was held by Mrs Helen Ireland of Auburn,
California, who failed her driving test in the first second, cleverly
mistaking the accelerator for the clutch and shooting straight through the
wall of the driving test centre.
This seemed unbeatable until 1981 when a Lanarkshire motor mechanic called
Thomson failed the test before the examiner had even got into the car.
Arriving at the test centre he tooted the horn to summon the examiner, who
strode out to the vehicle, said it was illegal to sound your horn while
stationary, announced that Thomson had failed and strode back in again.
Genius of this kind cannot be taught. It is a natural gift.
----------------------------------------------------
The following was sifted out of alt.folklore.computers by:
Thomas Nhan [tom@cassandra.chem.washington.edu]
--------------------------
From: pershng@watson.ibm.com (John A. Pershing Jr.)
Ahem. I cannot state this better than Mark Twain, so I defer to him...
"The King's English is not the King's. It is a joint stock company,
and we've got most of the shares." -- Mark Twain
In other words, "American English" is redundant.
--------------------------
From: bp@watt.seas.Virginia.EDU (Bryan Pfaffenberger)
- "Computers in the future may... perhaps weight 1,000 tons"
(Popular Mechanics, 1949)
----------------------------------------------------
The following was sifted out of alt.folklore.computers by:
Thompson Sara L. R.:Wbst205ul
--------------------------
From: liam@durie.amigans.gen.nz (Liam Greenwood)
Don't tell my Mother I'm a programmer,
she thinks I'm a piano player in a brothel
--------------------------
From: msawyer@mael (Michael Sawyer)
Victor Eijkhout (eijkhout@cupid.cs.utk.edu) wrote:
: is Houston the only town that
: people SPEED UP when they get into the city limits?
: No. A stand-up comedian remarked that when he was driving into town
: (Knoxville TN) he saw two traffic signs in a row: Slow Traffic Keep
: Right, and Right Lane Ends. I haven't seen them, but it characterizes
: traffic around here pretty well.
On this note, there is a sign at an intersection in Honolulu which
reads:
"Caution: Fast Moving Traffic, Proceed Slowly"
I keep meaning to take a picture, since it is so typical of traffic
around here!
----------------------------------------------------
From: jemorti@relay.nswc.navy.mil (Jack Mortimer)
Subject: rec.scouting FAQ#1: Skits, Yells & Creative Campfires (2/2)
--------------------------
From: mott@oodis01.hill.af.mil (GS-12 Daniel R. Mott Mr)
Skits
- Compiled by Daniel R. Mott District 23 Roundtable Staff
Great Salt Lake Council
REFERENCES:
Skits Vols 1 & 2 More Ideas From Young Life;Young Life
The Omnibus of Fun Vol 1; Larry & Helen Eisenberg
Funny Skits and Sketches; Terry Halligan
A Treasury of American Folklore; Edited by B. A. Botkin
Cub Scout Pow Wow Books
The Skit Book 101 Skits From Kids; Margaret Read McDonald
--------------------------
Artistic Genius: The scene is an art show where judges are inspecting
several canvases are displayed. They comment on the brightness, color,
technique, that is used on the different pictures. They select one for
the prize and comment additionally on the genius, imagination, and the
beauty of the picture. The artist is called up and the winning picture
is shown to him. The painter exclaims, "Oh, my goodness, that got in by
mistake. That's the canvas that I clean my brushes on.
--------------------------
Black Bart: There are several Black Bart skits, all revolving around the
basic plot of the hero chasing Black Bart. The hero and BB come face to
face. BB is cornered, building up the tension. Destroy it with the
anticlimactic line of: "You get the ping pong ball and I'll get the
paddles and I'll meet you in five minutes." Or "Oh, all right, Black
Bart, you use that one and I'll use the one upstairs." Use the latter
one when BB is trapped in some room.
--------------------------
Bonfire: A leader begins to explain how to lay a campfire. The leader
decides to use members of the audience to represent different pieces of
wood. The bonfire builders bring up various volunteers. Some of the
volunteers are bunched in the center for tinder with others placed for
kindling with the "big" logs stacked on top of each other in increasing
larger sizes. The leader then says that the fire is ready to light,
strikes a match, whereupon, several accomplices yell out that its ON
FIRE and dash several buckets of water on the fire.
--------------------------
The Echo: The club leader announces during the singing that he has
noticed an echo in the room and he is going to try it out (also could be
on a hike overlooking a canyon). The following is a dialogue between the
leader and the echo - a person out of the room or out of sight.
Leader: Hello
Echo: Hello
Leader: Cheese
Echo: Cheese
Leader: Bologna
Echo: (silence)
Leader: (to group) It must not be working now. I'll try again. (to echo)
+ This leader is great.
Echo: Bologna
--------------------------
Flying High: Boys on a flight to Germany or other destination. They act
up and really give the stewardess or steward (den leader, 11 year old
patrol leader etc.) a hard time. Finally, one of them bumps into her/him
and knocks a tray on him/her. The steward/stewardess smiles and says,
"Why don't you boys just run outside and play."
--------------------------
Listen at the Wall: One person goes along a wall listening and
listening. Others come along and ask him what he is doing. He says
dramatically, "Listen," and the others do. One of them says, "I don't
hear anything", in a disgusted voice. "LISTEN", he says more
dramatically and they listen some more. Again someone says, "I don't
hear anything." The original listener says, "You know," with a faraway
look, "its been like that all day."
--------------------------
Musical Genius: The announcer makes a flowery introduction about how
fortunate the audience is to have the opportunity to hear the splendid
vocal group about to perform. After the introduction, the group marches
onto stage and lines up across the front. The announcer states that
their first number will be that appealing ballad "The Little Lost
Sheep". Following a short musical introduction, singers open their
mouths and produce a long, loud "Baa-a-a".
--------------------------
Painting the Walls: In the middle of the singing a person wearing two
coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a step ladder pushes
through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is a painter and needs
to do the next room. The leader asks him why he is dressed for winter.
The painter replies that he was told to paint the room with two coats.
--------------------------
Prisoner: A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman says that
he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and the prisoner
says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked if he has
stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient
now, asks where he stole these things and the prisoner replies here and
there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he
will get out of jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."
--------------------------
Russian Pianist: The world renown Moresofi Vodka is introduced to
perform his original composition Chopinsky Stickovich. He plays
Chopsticks.
--------------------------
Scientific Genius: The scene is the launching pad of a large rocket
which can be cut from a large piece of cardboard. There is an elaborate
countdown, but the rocket fails to go off at zero. All those present
inspect it and check on a number of highly-scientific-sounding devices -
the supersonic sector wire; the exhaust fin fanstand; the sub-stabilizer
exidizer, etc. All seem perfect. Finally the smallest boy says: "I've
found the trouble. Somebody forgot to put in the fuel.
--------------------------
Sour Notes: The director tunes up the orchestra or chorus and they begin
to make music. One by one each player hits a sour note. Each time the
director gets upset and throws the player offstage. Repeat until only
the accompanist and the director is left. The director then turns to the
accompanist and begins a solo. The director hits a sour note and the
accompanist jumps up and throws the director off stage coming back on
stage with a smug look on his face, bows to the audience and exits.
--------------------------
Three Against 1000: Three guys all bandaged up and smeared with dirt and
blood come dragging into the meeting with the disbelieving tail the
fantastic battle that they had just gone through. "what a battle, what
fantastic odds, we never should have attempted it in the first place, 3
against a 1000, unbelievable; hamming it up. Finally, one guy says,
"Yeah they were the toughest three guys I've ever seen.
--------------------------
Upside Down Singers: The singers are on stage. An announcer explains
that they are going to sing upside down! They duck out of sight behind a
curtain (a sheet held by two accomplices will do). Placing their hands
in their shoes, they wobble the shoes above the curtain top looking as
they are having trouble standing on their heads and are about to topple
over while singing. They require practice and the assistance of someone
to direct them. To end the skit let one of the curtain holders become
distracted and accidently drop the curtain revealing the "upside down
singers" in action."
--------------------------
Washington's Farewell: It is announced that a member of the troop has
memorized Washington's Farewell Address and is about to do a dramatic
portrayal of it. A boy emerges dressed as Washington and delivers his
farewell address, "Bye Mom!"
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