Lifef.7

From: cate3@netcom.com
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 1995 12:41:45 -0700
Message-Id: [199510191941.MAA27045@netcom18.netcom.com]
Subject: Life  F.7
To: jwry.dli@netcom.com
Reply-to: cate3@netcom.com
Status: R


Date: 8 Sep 94 10:04:45 PDT (Thursday)
Subject: Life  F.7

 alt.humor.best-of-usenet is moderated by: best@cc.ysu.edu
------------------------------------------------------------
: Sifted out of alt.humor.best-of-usenet
From: ts@uwasa.fi (Timo Salmi)


Subj: Re: Cults- discussion of in groups, lists?
Newsgroups: news.groups.questions
In article [Cu0rDJ.6GC@world.std.com] aamster@world.std.com (Andrew L Amster)
writes:

Does anyone know of a USENET group or a mailing list where folks discuss
religious cults?  I'm curious about the current status of an old favorite

Any newsgroup that happens to discuss programming languages or the different
operating systems.

------------------------------
From: Adam Roach (adam@spam.tamu.edu)


Newsgroups: alt.security,comp.security.misc,comp.security.unix
Subj: Unix Virus Query
In article [Cu4yGB.55I@versant.com], Dan Kappus danka@news-server] wrote:


If by "Unix viruses" you mean "just any kind of computer virus, if it is found
on a Unix machine", then there are much more cases. First, we regularly get
report of Master Boot Sector infectors that have infected an IBM PC compatible,
running some brand of Unix. Many people seem to ignore that the MBR infectors
are not OS-specific and can infect *any* IBM PC, regardless of the OS it runs.

Explain this for the uniformed, please.

For which branch of the armed forces do you want me to explain it?

------------------------------
From: prener@prener.watson.ibm.com (Dan Prener)


Subj: Re: YKYBHTLW...
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers

In article [pburgessCtzCyo.DAG@netcom.com] pburgess@netcom.com (Phillip
Burgess) writes:


... you're washing a car (someone else's, of course), and you think to
yourself, "this is the 90's, surely someone makes a cordless hose by now."

  [ ... ]

Cordless hoses have been around for quite some time.  They're called buckets.


------------------------------
From: typo@netcom.com (Matthew Strumpf)


Newsgroups: soc.penpals
Subj: Re: Asian female looking for Penpals

In article [CsH1os.3xC@freenet.carleton.ca] ah645@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (J.C
Imbeault) writes:


I am a 23yrs old Asian female of Indian origin.... Just curious but since when
has India been part of Asia?


I believe for a few hundred million years, when it drifted across the ocean and
crashed into the continent throwing up the Himalayas.

But I could be wrong.


------------------------------
From: exuptr@exu.ericsson.se (*sunbird*)


Newsgroups: alt.personals
Subj: freudian {was Re: Artist, SF, Boston area ISO unconventional S*M

In article [pu4zEkt.seaverw@delphi.com] William Seaver [seaverw@delphi.com]
writes:


I am a Single white bearded 5'11" Brown Haired, Blue Eyed Male, I am
smart,literate, funny. I love to cook camp, canoe, hang out.

Please E-Nail me if you wish to talk further
       ^^^^^^

Now there's an excellent freudian slip if I've ever seen one...


------------------------------
From: Tom Evans (tom@wcc.oz.au)


Subj: A good idea for internet developer's !
Newsgroups: comp.protocols.tcp-ip

In article [BILLW.94Aug6230600@glare.cisco.com], billw@glare.cisco.com (William
) writes:


We've had semi-joking customers mention that SNMP-readable GPS receivers in our
routers would be a nice thing...

Make it SNMP-WRITABLE, so that when I'm rearranging a network I can set the
latitude and longitude and have the router teleport itself to its new location
(or to Cisco's repair centre :-).


------------------------------
From: Mark Olson (olsonm@ws3902.adc.com)


Newsgroups: alt.security

daemon9@netcom.com wrote:


Does anyone know a *valid* number where I can reach the NSA? All my numbers are
now invalid....

No number needed!  Just pick up your mouse and talk into the hole in the
bottom.  Say: "Hello, NSA?   I'd like to speak to the Director, please."

------------------------------
From: tdarcos@access1.digex.net (Paul Robinson)


Newsgroups: alt.games.doom


ATTENTION GAMERS:

Trimark Interactive, a subsidiary of Trimark Pictures, is looking to fill the
following positions to develop high-end multimedia PC CD-ROM games.

[deleted]

Junior Software Engineer:
Assist in developing, writing and debugging code for games and tools.
Proficiency in C and a BS in Computer Science.  Must be a gamer.

This position is available because they fired the last guy.  They caught him
writing payroll programs.


------------------------------
From: crosby@rintintin.Colorado.EDU (Matthew Crosby)


Newsgroups: soc.culture.australian

In article [324s9i$1bs@nuscc.nus.sg], Jerome Hansabhaya Ellepola
[engp3056@leonis.nus.sg] wrote:


I was having a chat with a couple of friends last night regarding the
application for an immigrant visa to Australia.

We were rather confused by one of the questions.

Could the Australian community enlighten me on the 'correct' answer to the
following mind boggler?

Do you have any prior convictions?   Would yes give me a better chance of being
granted resident status (i.e  because of historical reasons etc?).

No, quite the opposite.  This is an affirmative action program.  Honest people
have been underrepresented in the general population of Australia in the past,
and are often discriminated against for things like housing and jobs.  Both the
NSW and Queensland Police, for instance, are well known to favor criminals for
high ranking positions.  Therefore, they are trying to encourage more
non-convicted people to move to Australia to help lessen the imbalance.

I'm all for it.  Though of criminal persuasion myself, I have several non
criminal friends back home, and its truly terrible the way some of them get
treated.


------------------------------
From: faulkner@eco.utexas.edu (Wendy Faulkner)


Newsgroups: rec.skydiving
Subj: Re: Minimum height for skydiving off building?


That's a good question - what is the minimum height?  I'm only 5 feet tall and
I was wondering if I'm tall enough to jump off my building. So hard being short
sometimes...  ;)


------------------------------
From: dhenry@plains.NoDak.edu (David R. Henry)


Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.xbooks

To show that, indeed, rec.arts.comics.xbooks is the hub of the universe, I now
aim to show that the dulcet tones of bagpipes have played an important part in
the history of even North Dakota.


When I was growing up (in North Dakota, natch), I joined the Boy Scouts because
it seemed an adequate way to waste time, and because most of my other friends
already had.

Anyway, at our camps, which were usually held in a state with trees and lakes,
like nearby Minnesota, the scouts could be easily told apart not by rank or
age, but by length of service in the troop. How? Well, the whole idea of Boy
Scout camps is that you learn how to rely on yourself and your fellow scouts,
learn how to survive in the wilderness using only canned food and plastic
tents, and learn how to tie knots that you'll never use in the city due to
Velcro. The Scouts with a lot of experience, then, in braving the hazards of
the outdoors were those who had brought the largest boom boxes to play their
favorite music on, presumably  emulating the original pioneers and their
electric portable tape players.

Usually, the music of choice wasn't a choice:  being a bunch of teenaged boys
stuck in the middle of Camp Tick-A-Lot with no dates, movies, or cars in sight,
the usual way to work out your frustrations was to find something involving
both types of music, heavy and metal. The old Scoutmasters, who would sit
around before the campouts and remind the boys that they're not to bring any
electronic apparatus to the camp, just sort of sat there and looked stunned by
the onslaught of droning drums and whining guitars. They'd send the kids to go
get some water or tie some knots, but as soon as they were done, there they
were, back around the radios again, trying to sing along with AC/DC, the Patron
Band of North Dakota Scouting.

I, of course, had nothing to do with those sort of scouts, since I was usually
far too busy finding all the electric fences bordering the camp property, a
particular talent of mine which brought me no end of pride in my teenage years.
One Scoutmaster, though, finally devised the devil's own way of getting the
lads away from their boom boxes and into the wonderful outdoors. He bought his
own stereo, top of the line, with big booming bass amps and detachable main
speakers. Great set. Then, he waited for the usual mid-afternoon serenade.
Then, nodding to the music, he turned on his own stereo. His choice? Bagpipe
music. Marches, to be precise.

The man had the Northwest's largest collection of bagpipe records know I swear.
Of course, the reaction of young men to the sounds of a chorus of chirruping
bagpipes was natural and reflexive. They turned up their stereos. Louder drums,
screechinger voices, and hideous guitars distorted the very air, knocking birds
from their flight. The Scoutmaster adjusted his tripod seat, took out his badge
collection, fixed himself a cup of coffee, and turned up his stereo one more
notch. The scouts responded with even more angst-ridden muscle music. The
bagpipers didn't notice. The Scoutmaster turned his stereo up one more time.

All there at that camp learned an important lesson that day. No matter how loud
you turn up even the most pounding heavy metal tape, you can't drown out the
sounds of a horde of bagpipes playing a march. Nothing can drown
out a horde of bagpipes, except probably the Red Sea.

In any case, one by one the scouts gave up the battle, and fled to the
tower-building exhibition, or the knot-tying symposium, or ran over to help on
KP. One by one the heavy metal stereos were packed away, defeated, wasted. And,
when the camp was empty save for the administrators and the office boys (like
myself), the old Scoutmaster turned down his stereo, and put in Led Zepplin's
Houses of the Holy.

"And then there was the time that I told Robert Plant, 'No, "Kashmir" is a
*stupid* name for a song.'"
--Richard Darwin


------------------------------
From: kline@uiuc.edu (Charley Kline)


Newsgroups: uiuc.sys.mac

In article [3382st$li9@search01.news.aol.com], Andrew Bediz wrote:

I just moved in today into Bromley Hall. They do not have net connections
available, so does anyone know some local dial up numbers.

You just moved into your room and the first thing you're concerned about is net
access? Even I wasn't this bad. Please, go out and take a walk. Find a nice
park. Enjoy the nice weather. Explore the local restaurants. Find out what live
bands are playing tonight. Find out who else is on your floor and what you have
in common with them. Make some new friends.

And I thought Reece was kidding when he said that people had logged in within
FIFTEEN SECONDS of ux5 being brought into production. Maybe I'm just getting
old and don't understand.

------------------------------
From: whavens@BIX.com (whavens on BIX)


Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy

krishna@max.tiac.net (Glenn M. Saunders) writes:
John Frederick Kuhne (Sine Dubio Nulli Secundus) (jkuhne@ivory.trentu.ca)
wrote:


It's total %~$#.  AAA was still on paper in 1989.

Damn right it was still on paper in 1989!  It also existed in silicon too!

You can't really be THIS stupid, can you?

I suggest you read the latest edition of Amazing Computing, where this issue is
discussed by the editors.  They assert that development of the AAA  chipset was
continuing right up until Commodore filed for liquidation this spring, and that
prototyping new computer models with the near-finished  silicon chips was where
the development of AAA computers was left off.

Sounds like the development of the Atom Bomb by the Nazi's right before the
fall of Berlin :)

If ONLY there was a little more time, the world would be different!

Oh wow! I'm not a nazi or anything, but the parallels are amazing! Think about
it.

1. Both groups (start as a small group out to take over the  world with their
new ideas.

2. Both are in power for 9 years, /'36-'45  '85-'94!

3. Both have a small group of loyal followers.

4. Both start out by making huge leaps forward over their
adversaries, but fade until the end.

5.  Both are led by a fascist dictator that is mentally ill and refuses to take
any advise from anyone around them.

6.  Both get wiped out by the shear numbers of the opposing force.

7. Both take on a giant which they can't possibly destroy  (Russia, IBM)

It's spooky!  I could go on and on...
PPC, Normandy...

------------------------------
From: steve100@connected.com (Steven D. Chandler)


Newsgroups: seattle.general

JB Sampson (jbsampson@aol.com) wrote:


I'm thinking about spending three days hiking along & around the Hoh River.
Are there any rules of the area I should be aware of before I get there?
Camping, campfires, permits, etc?  Thanks.

: JS

This is an unconfirmed rumor, but I heard from a friends brother that someone
told him they don't allow anyone from American On Line to go hiking
unsupervised in the wilderness and that they have to pay extra fees for basic
things like campfires. You wouldn't want to camp for three days because they
charge people from aol by the hour.

------------------------------
From: csh@eos.ncsu.edu (Charles S Henkel)


Newsgroups: alt.config

I just completed another difficult trip on America's premier North-South
highway: Interstate 95. The thought occurred to me that a newsgroup dedicated
to this cultural lifeline would help to solve many of the puzzles that confront
its weary travelers:

-Is JR better than SOB? In what sense?

-Is Triangle Waffle any good?

-Tappan Zee or George Washington? [Note opportunity for cross-posted flame wars
between a.h.i95 and a future a.h.i87]

-Is it true that I-95 narrows t a *single lane* at one point in Washington?

-Canadian drivers

-I stayed on 95, why am I in Philadelphia?

Imagine being able to check on construction delays, known speed traps, gas
prices, and dangerous rest areas before starting a long trip on I-95.

Amaze your friends and travelling companions with detailed knowledge of Cracker
Barrel locations throughout the Eastern seaboard.

Group therapy: "I took a bottle of propane gas through the Fort McHenry tunnel.
Now I can't sleep at night."

Participate in heated debates involving North vs. South drivers, daylight use
of headlights, and everyone's favorite: driving slow in the left lane!

There's much more:
Famous celebrities spotted on I-95.
Nuclear power plants visible from I-95.
Which stinks worst: Northern New Jersey or Baltimore?
Slide or throw at tolls?
Future roving reports from people actually engaged in driving on our favorite
highway.

------------------------------
From: eck@panix.com (Mark Eckenwiler)


Newsgroups:
alt.current-events.net-abuse,news.admin.policy,alt.internet.services
Subj: Re: Canter & Siegel have WWW-Server

In [33rbl6$k5j@insosf1.infonet.net], tim@ins.infonet.net sez:


But it seems to me that if these two lawyers had even half a brain between
them,

Objection, Counselor.  Assumes facts not in evidence.

------------------------------------------------------------
1995 Copyright by Henry Cate III All Rights Reserved
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--
Henry Cate III     [cate3@netcom.com]
To learn how to get a MS Windows 3.1 Application with
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