Canonical Acronyms



Well, I am leaving university now.  This is now my last posting of this list.
If anyone wants to take over this list, go right ahead.  If not, save this
list, cause I'm not posting it anymore.


===========================================================================
  			  Canonical List Of Acronyms




	Acronym	       Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbering Your Memory
		       A Concise Reduction Of Nomenclature Yielding Mnemonics
		       Another Cheap Round Of Network Yawn Makers
		       A Capitalised Representation of Names You Memorize

				Airlines

	AA		Abort! Abort!
			Always Awful

	AI		Allah Informed

	Alitalia	Always Late In Transit, Always Late In Arrival
			Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
			A Little Italian Tit And Lotsa Italitan Ass
			A Little Italian Tradition And Lotsa Italian Attitude

	American	A Miricle Each Rider Is Currently Alive Now
			Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and 
			 Nausea

	AUA		Almost Unknown Airline

	AWA		Always Wasting Assets

	BA		Bloody Awful
			British Apoplectic

	BEA		Better Eat Afterwards

	BOAC		Better On A Camel
			Blast Off And Crash

	Boeing		Broken Off Engines In Numerous Gardens

	BWIA		Baggage Wandering In Africa
			Better Walk If you're Able
			Born to Wait In Airports
			But Will I Arrive?

	CAAC		Chinese Airlines Always Cancel

	Dan Air   	Dangerous And Nearly Always Incredibly Rough

	Delta		Damaged Engines Limit Take-off Ability
			Departures Extra-Late, Tardy Arrivals
			Directed Everybody's Luggage To Atlanta
			Doesn't Even Leave The Airport
			Doesn't Ever Let Terrorists Aboard
			Doesn't Experience Like This Andrenalize?
			Don't Even Let Them Aboard
			Drunken Engineers Land Too Abruptly

	EAA		Even Apes Aviate

	El Al		Egyptian Louting Arab Loathing
			Every Landing Always Late
			Every Landing Always Lousy
			Everyones Luggage Always Lost

	Finnair		Flies Ideally?  Nah, Not Airbourne In Reality

	JAL		Journey Always Late

	JAT		Joke About Time

	Liat		Luggage Is Always Tardy

	Lot		Lots Of Trouble

	Lufthansa	Let Us Fiddle The Hostess And Not Say Anything
	
	MAS		May Actually Shit

	Northwest	Nobody Out Ranks This Horrid, Worthless,
			 Excruciatingly Sluggish Transport

	Olympic		Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash

	PAL		Prick Always Long

	Pan Am		Passengers Always Need A Mortician
			Pilots Are Not A Must
			Poor Airline Needs Any Money

	PIA		Passenger's Illegal Abductor
			Perhaps I Arrive
			Please Inform Allah

	PSA		Paul's Saturday Airline

	PWA		Pete's Wobbly Airline
			Piddly Widdly Airline
			PLease Wait Awhile

	Qantas		Queasy and Nauseous, Tired And Sick
			Queers And Nymphomaniacs Trained As Stewards
			Quick And Nasty Transportation, Australian Style
			Quite A Neat Trick, Arriving Safely
			Quite A Nice Trip, Any Survivors?
			Quits Air-travel, Next Time Approaches Ship

	Sabena		Such A Bad Experience - Never Again	

	SAHSA		Stay At Home, Stay Alive

	SAS		Service After Sex
			Sex And Satisfaction
			Such A S***

	Sia		Sex In the Air
			Singapore Imitates America

	TACA		Take Another Carrier Always
			Take A Coffin Along
			Tome Alcohol Cuanda Aborda

	TAP		Take A Parachute
			Take Another Plane

	Thy		They Hate You

	TWA		That Was Accidental
			That Was Awful
			Travel With Arabs
			Teeny Weeny Airlines
			Try Walking Across
			Try With Another
			Today's Worst Airline
			Tomorrow We'll Arrive
			Tomorrow's Widebody Accident
			Totally Wasted Airlines

	United		U Need Insurance That Exempts Death
			Usually Not Enclined To Eliminate Disasters

	USAir		(used to be Allegheny Airlines):
			Unfortunately Still Allegheny In Reality

	Uta		Unlikely To Arrive
			Unable To Ascend

	Varig		Virgin's Are Rare In Glasgow

	Virgin		Very Interesting Ride: Going Into Nymphos
	
			       Cars and Bikes

	AMC		All Makes off Cars
			Almost Makes Corners

	Audi		Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

	BMW		Big Money Waster
			Born Mighty Wealthy
			Break My Windows
			Boring Middle-aged Wheels
			Belongs to My Wife

	Buick		Big Ugly Imported Car Killer

	Dodge		Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
			Drips Old Dirt & Grease Everywhere

	Fiat		Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
			Fix It Again, Tony
			Fix It All the Time
			Failed In All Tests

	Ford		Fucker Only Runs Damaged
			First On Race Day
			Fix Or Repair Daily
			Found On River-bed, Drowned
			Found On Rubbish Dump
			Found On Road, Dead
			Fuck Off, Rally Drivers
			Fucked On Race Day
			Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge

	Honda		Hang On - Nicely Dangerous Apperatus
			Helping Out Nips Dominating America

	Mazda		Making A Zillion Dollars Anually

	Mini		Made It - Now Indisposed

	Nissan		Never In Synch - Screeching Awful Noises
			Needs Immediate Salvage So Abandon Now

	Obupos		Old Beat Up Piece Of Shit

	Olds		Old Ladies Driving Slowly

	Pontiac		Poor Old Nerd Thinks It's a Cadilac

	RAC		Ruins All Cars

	Rolls Royce	Regarded Only as Luxury Life Style.  
			  Runs Over Your Current Expences

	Saab		Some Accesories Always Broken

	Sable		Same Auto But Less Engineering

	Stop (ie rule)	Spin Tyres On Pavement

	Toyota		Too Often Yanks Overrate This Automobile

	VW		Very Worthless


			    Computers and Language

	ABE		ABend Everything

	Amiga		A Merely Insignificant Games Addiction
			Asinine Machine Invented for Gaming Adolescents

	APL		All Programming Languages

	Apple		All Programmers Pursuing Legal Ends

	BASIC		Bloody Awful System It Creates

	BBB		Blame IBM

	BBC		Bloody Brilliant Computer

	BBI		Branch on Burned-out Indicator

	BPO		Branch on Power Off

	BTO		Blame The Operator

	BTP		Blame The Programmer

	BTU		Blame The User

	C		Crap

	COBOL		Complies Only Because Of Luck
			Complete Obsolete Business Orientated Language

	Dos		Defunct Operating System

	EJZ		Excrement & Jump on Zero

	IBM		Incredibly Bad Machine
			Incredibly Boring Macines
			Incredibly Beautiful Machines
			Industry's Big Mistake
			I Built Microsoft
			I'm Building Macintosh
			It's Being Mended
			It's Been Malfunctioning
			Imence Ball of Muck
			I Believe in Memorex
			It's Better than Macintosh
			Idiots Built Me
			Intense Bowel Movement
			Inferior But Marketable?
			It's Better Manually
			Infinitely Better Macintosh
			Indefinitely Buggered Machine
			I Bought a Mac
			I Broke Mine
			I Blame Microsoft
			Intentinally Brainless Machines
			It's Backwards Man
			Incompatible Bloody Machines
			Infernal Bloody Monoploy
			Internal Beurocratic Mess
			Installed By Mistake
			Inferior But Marketable
			It's Backwards, Man
			It Barely Moves
			I Buy Mainframes
			I Blew Money
			Itty Bitty Machines
			Itty Bitty Mentality
			Incomplete But Marketable
			Incepted By Monkeys
			Incompetent Bumbling Morons
			Immence Blue Monolith
			It *Bit* Me!!
			Idiotic Brainless Machines
			I've Been Mugged
			Imitation British Manufacture
			Invented By Monkeys

	LISP		Lots Of Insipid, Stupid Parenthisis
			Lots of Irritating, Stupid Parenthesis

	MAC		Maybe A Computer

	Macintosh	Machine Always Crashes.  If Not, System hangs.

	Nimbus		Next, I'M Buying Useful System

	Pascal		Pretty Awful Slow Cunt of A Language

	PCMCIA		People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms

	SPON		Switch Processor ON

	STS		Switch To Spanish



			 Films, Theatre and Television

	Animal House	"Adolescents Need Idiotic Moves, And Landis Has
			 Obliged Us "-Siskel & Ebert.

	Dracula		Dark Royal As Cunning Undead Lady Attacker

	Dune		Dull.  Uninteresting.  Needs Editing

	Evita		Endless Vivacity In The Argentine

	GMTV		Give Me The Valium

	Hair		Hippies And Idiots Rejoice

	Jaws		Just A White Shark

	Mash		Medical Army Surviving Horrors

	Rambo		Rocky As Military Bozo in Orient

	Star Trek	Space Tirade About Romulan Tyrannical Rule,
			 Evil Klingons

	The Hunt For	The Heated Event Has Unfolded Now.  That Foxy Old
	Red October	 Red Russian Earns Defection Over Crisis.  The 
			 Operative Brought: Enigmatic Ryan.

	The Sound 	This Has Everything:  Singing Orphans, Uctuous Nuns,
	Of Music	 Dancing Over Flowery Mountains, Unnecessary 
			 Sweetness In Concert

	Twin Peaks	The Wierdest Imagary Never Previously Encountered.
			 Also Kompletely Surreal.

	Wayne's World	Wacky And Young Newcomers Excite Screen With
			 Original Repartee, Lunacy, Dialogue

	Yentl		You Evidently Need Talmudic Learning


			Miscellaneous

	Adidas		Advertising Does Influence Dumb Asshole's Selection
			All Day I Dream Of Sex

	Aids		Adios Infected Dick Sucker
			Anally Injected Death Serum
			Anus Infected Death Sentence
			Another Infected Dick Sucker

	BR		Bloody Railways

	DNA		National Dyslexic Association

	Hillary's	Highly Inexperienced Left Liberals Academic Righteous
			 Yuppies
	
	Paye		Pray As You Earn
	
	Reagan		Republican Ex Actor Governed American Nation

	UHT		Ugh, Horrible Taste


			Qualifications

	ACCA		Any Cunt Can Account
	BA		Bloody Awful
	BEng		Brainless Engineer - Not Good
	BS		Bull Shit
	CPA		Can't Pass Arithmetic
	GCSE		Generally Can't Spell Enything
	ICMA		Incredibly Crooked Misleading Accountant
	MBa		Married But Available
			Master Of Brainless Axioms
			Master of Bugger All
			Mediocre But Arrogant
			Minimal Brains Available
	MS		More Shit
	PhD		Piled High & Deep

-- 
*-         * -        *  -       *   -      *    -     *Just relax your eyes.
* | | |    *| | | |   * | | | |  *  | | | | *   | | | |*Stephen "PH" Buxton
*-  |-|    *|-  |-|   * |-  |-|  *  |-  |-| *   |-  |-|*mei141@cch.cov.ac.uk
*   | |    *|   | |   * |   | |  *  |   | | *   |   | |*mei141@cck.cov.ac.uk




Back to my Canonical Lists Humor Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page

nathan@visi.com