NOTE: It has been removed from my web page due to circumstances beyond
my control. PLEASE remove it from your links. Thanks!
Here it is:
The Official Canonical Cannibal List of Jeffery Dahmer Death Jokes.
(This list tastes better with Tabasco Sauce)
Last Updated: 11-30-94
Please send jokes to: price@jove.acs.unt.edu
This list is looking for a WEB site. I had to remove it from mine for
political reasons. :(
These jokes were collected from various posts on rec.humor and
alt.tasteless.jokes. Support cannabalism humor! Credit goes to them.
==========================================================================
SECTION 1: Jokes on his death in prison.
==========================================================================
I guess you heard his murder was *extremely* brutal. Yeah, they
carried him out of prison in 3 refrigerators.
They asked J. Dahmer's family if they wished his body to be
cremated...The family said, they'd like him medium well!
Perhaps he got into a fight and bit off more than he could chew.
He really got carved up.
How much for just his recipe box?
Read alt.tasteless for JD jokes.
^^^^^^^^^
Hmmm, gotta be a pun here somewhere
Apparently, there was quite a tussle among the inmates while splitting
his "wishbone".
Must of been something he ate.
He drowned in the toilet....trying to eat the tidybowl man.
Apparently his last words were "Hey pal, what's eating you?".
Q: What were Jeffrey Dahmer's last words?
A: Eat me!
A#2: Cheers!
Someone mentioned a shishkabob style killing.
Gee and I was so looking forward to his last meal request....
Residents of hell are saying "there goes the neighborhood".
Q:Did you hear what they served today at the wake for Mr. Dahmer?
A:Finger sandwiches and mixed nuts
When they performed the autopsy today on Mr. Dahmer, do you know
what they found?
Jimmy Hoffa!
Did you hear about Dahmer's funeral?
Open casket, with a buffet afterwards.
They've requested he be buried in a giant lunchbox.
What did the inmate say after off-ing Dahmer...
Hurry up boys, breakfast is gettin' cold!
What question was asked of all attendees of Dahmer's funeral?
Will you have soup or salad with that organ?
What's everyone wearing at Jeffrey Dahmer's funeral?
A bib.
What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and Jeffrey Dahmer?
O.J. only ate one of his victims.
The inmates amputated Jeffrey Dahmners nose after he died.
They cut it in little pieces and spread it on pizza.
Called it Dahmer-Nose Pizza.
Dahmer was always one to "take a big bite out of life!"
What were Jeffrey Dahmer's last words?
"Uh, can I have this to go?"
Why did the other guy kill him?
'Cause he said working with Dahmer was getting to be a bite
Q. What's the difference between Jefrey Dahmer and an orange?
A. An orange gets the pulp pounded out of it *before* it goes in the can.
Q. What did Jefrey Dahmer's killer say just before he killed him?
A. I'm gonna have you for lunch.
...I think he misunderstood when someone told him, "Hey its Thanksgiving,
have a ball!"...
Jeffrey Dahmer, a man who touched the hearts and souls of many children,
died today after a lengthy illness. In his life, he was known to cut
up many with his sharp wit. Never known to descriminate due to color
of skin, Dahmer really sunk his teeth into many minority causes. One
of his closest friends was quoted as saying, 'Hey he wasn't such a
bad guy, he was someone you could go to to to simply chew the fat'.
Q: why was Jeffery Dahmer killed in prison?
A: He went berserk after someone offered him lady fingers.
Q: why was Jeffery Dahmer killed in prison?
A: Because he ate all the white meat on thanksgiving.
Q: Why did the other inmates turn on Dahlmer?
A: It was liver & onions day at the mess, and
they decided they had had enough.
Q:What kind of shampoo did he use?
A:Head and Shoulders!!!!
Q:What did he say when he first went away to prison?
A:I hope this gets me off on the right foot!!!!!!!
Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't beaten to death...
He was just tenderized.
The worst thing anyone had ever done to Jeffery was the time someone stuck
a turd in his frig. He woke up during the night for a quick snack,
grabbed the turd thinking it was a nigger's finger, and ate it.
From then own, he always refused to eat dark meat.
Jeffery Dahmer tried to escape when Kurt Cobain committed suicide.
When apprehended, told cops he was seeking knowledge and was
on the way to have a good old fashion plate of "brain" food.
Jeffery Dahmer and his son were quietly eating their
dinner when the little boy spoke up.
"Daddy, I don't like my grandmother."
Jeffery replies:
"That's OK. Just eat your vegetables."
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and River Phoenix?
A: Nothing - they both died after clubbing.
Q:What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a blowjob?
A:Can't beat a blowjob!
Q: Why was Jefferey Dahmer despised by his high school drama class?
A: He always got the meatiest parts.
Q:What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A:Wiped his ass!
Q: Why did the other prisoner Kill Dahmer?
A: Apparently he was talking too much. He was chewing some guy's ear off.
Good things come to those who wait, but they may be the leftovers of
those who got there first.
Q: Why did his fellow inmates beat Jeff to death?
A: They discovered he made the giblet gravy for Thanksgiving dinner and he
refused to show them the ingredient list.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to OJ?
A: Slow down on the carving, I can't keep up!
Q: What is the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and Playboy?
A: Playboy can withstand a beating in the bathroom...
Q: Why did his fellow inmates beat Jeff to death?
A: They discovered he made the giblet gravy for Thanksgiving dinner and he
refused to show them the ingredient list.
Q: Why didn't Jeffrey Daumer post bail?
A: It would have cost him an arm and a leg.
Q: Why was the moving van outside of Jeffrey Daumer's
house the other day?
A: He needed more elbow room.
Jeffrey's Mother: Jeffrey, I don't like your friends!
Jeffrey: Then push them aside and eat the main course!
==========================================================================
SECTION 2: Dahmer's favorite Recipes
==========================================================================
Icebox surprise pie
Head cheese
Terry Aki
Beans and Frank
Screaming' Sammy Sausage
Shisk-K-Bob
Bobby's Bratwurst
Leg O'Sam
Chuck Roast
Rump Roast
Scrambled Legs
Baked Alaskan
Finger Sandwiches
Head Lettuce
Elbow Macaroni
Vince Meat
Handburger
Moo Goo GUY in a Pan
Bob-A-Que
Barry's Back Ribs
Filet of Fred
Big Mac
Sloppy Joe
Manwich
Rice-A-RONNY
Mixed Nuts
Hot Cross Buns
PETER Bread
BrownKNEES
Eyesburg Lettuce
Kidney pie
Tongue Sandwich
Spaghetti and Pete's Balls
=========================================================================
SECTION 4: Dahmer Poetry
=========================================================================
In the heart of our land, there was a man
With passions so unique
That many frowned, found him unsound
And wrote him off as "freak".
But listen well, and I will tell
You of his wondrous deeds
And you shall see the ecstacy
One feels when victim bleeds.
'Twas not in Hell that he did dwell,
But in a place of joy:
Apartment small, with shower stall
That he did well employ.
With knife and blade, he sliced and flayed
'Til yea, the deed was done;
His lucky friends, they met their ends
In pieces more than one.
And in their wake, he did partake;
Our hero, too, was wise-
For 'tis a waste to never taste
A young man's shining eyes.
Or sample, yes, the tenderness
Of colon firm and young
Or savor well the luscious smell
Of freshly excised tongue.
Police, alas, they did harass
The hallowed, Saintly One;
And met he with captivity
In cell block without sun.
A court of fools with wicked rules
Then found impure his mind-
'Twas vengeful sin by next of kin
Upon whom he had dined.
Then tragically, he was set free
One sad November day
His precious skull, 'twas rendered full
Of fractures, doctors say.
'Tis truly sad, our hero had
To undergo such trauma-
But holy ever shall be thy name;
We miss you, Jeffrey Dahmer.
Dahmer Haiku
Jeffrey R. Dahmer
Faggot, Killer, Cannibal
Squick Satan for us
==========================================================================
SECTION 4: Some jokes before death.
==========================================================================
Q:Did you hear what Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorenna Bottit?
A:Are you going to eat that or throw it away.
Q:Did you hear Jeffrey Dahmer escaped?
A:He was last seen headed to Waco ,TX with a bottle of BBQ sauce.
Q:Why didn't they give Dahmer the death sentance at his trial?
A:They were afraid of what he might want for his last meal!
Q:Why does Jeffery Dahmer have a blender on his front porch?
A:So he can greet people with a hand-shake.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer say when he first saw David Koresh?
A: Waiter, my dinner is burnt!
============================================================================
Aaron Price http://www-lan.unt.edu/cc1/home/price/www/
University of North Texas "She said we were never feeling bored."
============================================================================
Back to my Canonical Lists Humor Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page