dear mr nathan,
i had the previlege of downloading some canonical lists of humor on
medical, men-women, oxymorons etc. I am sending herewith a list of oneliners
for the librarian. I hope u and users of your collection find this
interesting. Regards.
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LIST OF ONE LINERS FOR THE LIBRARIAN
The purpose of this collection is to help the librarian use them in the
librarary as display in reading rooms, on Book Marks, Envelops,
letterheads, personal letters, signature files etc. Most of these are
authored by me. Few are adaptations of well known proverbs or sayings.
Some are quotations. Feedback, additions, comments may be sent to:
Internet email : pvm@satyam.jvnc.net (dr.p.Vyasamoorthy)
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1 Sleeping Aloud is not Allowed in this library!!
2 A book in the hand is worth two on the shelf!
3 A book a day keeps your Boss away!!
4 Only a fool lends his book expecting it to be returned.
5 The BOOK means BIBLE. So don't swear by the BOOK
6 Don't write in a book Unless it is your cheque book!
7 Reading begets Reading
8 Books and the Librarian wait for All.
9 The printed word is no guarantee of truth.
10 While reading is good, understanding is better
but teaching is best.
11 Books are sources of substitutional pleasure.
12 Better pay for a good book than to the consultant.
13 Here is a puzzle: Can you give a word which contains
'unquestionably' all the five vowels?
14 R.L.Stevenson wrote "Travel with a Donkey" while he was on
his honeymoon!
15 Here is one of the longest among English words: Pneumono
ultramicroscopico volcanoeoniosis.
16 If you are thin don't eat fast. If you are fat don't eat. Fast.
17 The weaker sex is stronger because of the weakness of
the stronger sex for the weaker sex!
18 Louis the 14th invented High heel shoes when he found that
his consort was too short to kiss!
19 You may borrow a book and read it too!
20 Books may be used for cooking facts.
21 Too many authors spoil the book.
22 Spare a book and spoil your mood.
23 You can't remember what you never read.
24 'Never-read-books' do no harm. 25 Don't be a book worm.
Put ideas into practice.
26 Books are silent teachers.
27 A book and its readers go together.
28 What is common between a woman and a book? You can take
both of them to bed.
29 Another name for a librarian: He is an information out-dater.
30 Don't do all the talking in the library. Please reserve some
for other places as well!
31 Do you know that there are no words rhyming with "ORANGE"
or for that matter with "MONTH"?
32 There was an automobile accident in Kansas city in 1904
At that time there were only two cars registered!
33 He was a beautiful lass and he, a loving male. He praised
her figure in English, French and Braille!
34 Better read it now than wish you would read it someday!
35 Better late than never holds good for returning a borrowed
book too!
36 Books of a subject stock together.
37 Good books need no push!
38 First law of library science: Books are for use.
39 Books concealed are books lost.
40 Second Law of Library Science.: Every reader his book.
41 There is no education without books.
42 Third law of library science: Every book its reader.
43 Write a book if you can't read a book!
44 Fourth law of library Science: Save the time of the reader.
45 Library is no place for romance.
46 Fifth Law of library science: Library is a growing organism.
47 Some are wise and some others are otherwise.
48 Some book is better than no book on a rainy day.
49 Some books promise much but offer little.
50 Neccessity is the mother of reading to most students.
51 Lend your books and lose your friends.
52 Library catalog proves that the librarian exists.
53 The library is no place to sleep.
54 Want to locate an address? Go to the library.
55 A book misplaced is a book lost.
56 Want to know about courses of study? Go to the library.
57 A never read book is always new.
58 Want to read newspapers? Go to the library.
59 On the exam eve even notes will do.
60 Want to know a phone number? Go to the library.
61 A show of books is no proof of wisdom.
62 The book that is misplaced is the book you need.
63 A good book never lacks readers.
64 Torn out books are most used books.
65 Readers are the best publicity for a book.
66 A torn book is better than a never touched book.
67 Books beget books.
68 Too many authors spoil a book.
69 Oscar Wilde : There is no such thing as a moral or immoral
book. Books are well written or badly written. That's all
70 Milton: A good book is a precious life-blood of a
master-spirit embalmed and treasured upon purpose to a life
beyond life.
71 Melville: To produce a mighty book you must choose a mighty
theme
72 Bacon: Some books are to tasted; Others are to swollowed and
Some few to be chewed and digested.
73 Carlyle: The true university of these days is a collection
of BOOKS.
74 Read a book - You can become friendly at least with the
author. Write a book if you want to get instant enemies.
75 A book jacket promises to showinteresting contents.
So does a saree; But both dissapoint most of the times!
76 Many books are written because they should not have been!
77 Life is a mystery novel where the last few pages are torn.
78 Read books : There is no tax on it as of now!
79 Dog eared books are better than never read books.
80 Books are good travel companions : They don't nag.
81 Take to a book on a holiday.
82 "Better Late than never " applies to returning books too.
83 In this library readership is worshipped. Please be silent
and let others concentrate on what they are reading.
84 You may smoke any number of cigarettes once from this library
you are out.
85 That was a different type of a book : From the beginning
to it was interesting to none!
86 You might have about citation Index. Hace you heard of
"uncitedness" as well?
87 Nature is a book of which god is the author.
88 A candle that lights another does not lose anything.
89 You can borrow a book and return it too.
90 A book (returned) in time saves time.
91 Sleeping allowed. But not aloud!
92 P Jisha : Library is the graveyard of the greatest minds
where the students fear to tread!
93 S Johnson : Your manuscript is both good and original; but
what is good is not original and what is original is not good.
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From: Dr.P.Vyasamoorthy, Mgr(Databases), Satyam Computer Services Ltd.,
Mayfair Center, Sardar Patel Road, Secunderabad. Pin 500003 INDIA
Ph: +91-40-815854 Fax: +91-40-840058 Email: vm110@satyam.jvnc.net
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