I collected several contributions of Make Like A * and * jokes. One of
the contributers mentioned the archives at
http://www.visi.com/~nathan/humor/canon/index.html , and sure enough
there was a list there already. I sent a message to the person noted
in the list, but received no response (returned to sender).
Not wanting to let the new additions go to waste, I downloaded the existing
list, re-sorted them and corrected a few spelling errors. New additions are
marked with a |. All other header and trailer information is intact, except
the "Last Addition" date. I will be willing to maintain the list if
doug.henko cannot be found. In any case, this should be added to the
canonical list of humor lists.
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CANONICAL LIST OF "MAKE LIKE A *** AND ***"
Last Addition: September 8, 1994
To keep this list current, please send any new additions
to "doug.hewko@synapse.org". Thank you.
make like...
..80% of live births and head out
..a baby and head out
..a bad map and get lost
|..a baker and move your buns
..a bakery truck and haul buns
..a banana and split
..a bee and buzz off
..a bowel and move
..a boy and get lost (the Lost Boys - Peter Pan)
..a bread man and hall buns
..a breech baby and butt out!
|..a breech baby and get the butts outta here
..a breeze block and float
..a busboy and get the fork outta here
..a Canadian, "Eh"
..a carpenter and screw off
..a Catholic and pull out
..a cause and get lost (lost cause)
..a check (or cheque) and got lost
..a cheerleader and split
..a chicken and suck seed
..a chimney sweep and haul ash
..a chord and get lost (the Lost Chord)
..a computer programmer and shoot yourself in the foot
..a cow and mooo-ve
..a cow pie and hit the trail
..a dick and head out
|..a dick and piss off
..a dick and pull out of this hole
..a dirty shirt and take off
..a donkey and haul ass outta here
..a donkey herder and move your ass
..a donkey's dick and hit the road
..a douche and get the fuck out
..a drum and beat it
..a dumptruck and haul ass
..a fart and blow this hole
..a Ferrari and burn rubber
..a fetus and abort
..a fetus and head out
..a fly and buzz off
..a Gaussian surface and get the flux out of here
..a glove and get lost
..a GMC truck and blow
..a goalie and get the puck outta here
..a guillotine and head off
..a hairstyle and part
..a hat and go on ahead
|..a highway and fork off
..a hippy and blow this joint
..a hockey player and get the puck out of here
..a hockey player and get the puck outta here
..a hockey stick and get the puck out of here
..a hockey team and get the puck outta here
..a horse and hit the trail
|..a horse terd and hit the trail
..a horse's dick and hit the road
..a jet and take off
..a junkie and blow this joint
..a kid in a shopping mall and get lost
..a king and triump
..a krieg and blitz
..a leper and depart
..a liberal reality and get lost.
|..a library and book
|..a loser and beat it (think about it)
..a magician and disappear
..a maid and get the sheet outta here
..a mexican dinner and run
..a mirage and fade out of here
..a missile and cruise
..a mountain climbing expedition and get lost
..a network and disconnect
..a new bride's panties and take off
..a newborn baby and head out
..a Newsreader and reply!
..a nose and run
..a nosebleed and head back
..a nut and bolt
..a nylon and run
..a pair of nickers and skid
..a pay cheque and get lost
|..a plane and fly
..a plane and jet
..a plane and take off
..a plumber and get the crap outta here
..a potato and chip
..a prom dress and take off
|..a quarterback and take a hike
|..a queer and blow the joint
..a rawhide bra and round'em up and head'em out.
|..a rooster and crow away!
..a sanitary towel...and press on
..a serealist and fill a bath with orange juice
..a sewer and get the shit outta here
..a sheep and flock off
..a sheep and get the flock outta here
..a sheepherder and get the flock out of there
..a sheepherder and get the flock outta here
..a shepherd and get the flock out of here
..a shepherd and get the flock outta here
..a snail and leave a trail
..a software pirate and get the phrack out of here
..a strawberry and jam
..a stripper and take off
..a tailor and get your botton gear
..a terrorist and blow this place
..a toilet and bog off
..a toilet and get the crap outta here
..a Tom and Cruise
..a tomato and ketchup
..a train and leave tracks
..a tree and get out of here
..a tree and go away
..a tree and leave
..a tribe and get lost (the lost tribes of Israel)
..a U-Haul and move out
..a virgin and loose it
..a weekend and get lost (John Lennon's lost weekend)
..a wheel and spin
|..a whore and blow
..a Wonder Bread man and haul buns
..a zit and head out
..Al Gore in his backyard and get lost.
..an alligator and drag ass
..an alligator and drag your ass out of here
..an amoeba and split
..an amputee and depart
..an atom and split
..an e-mail network and lose it
..an egg and beat it
..an envelope and get stuffed!!
..an exorcist and get the devil outta here
..an exorcist and get the hell out of here
..an exorcist and get the spell out of here
..an ice cube and melt
..an insect and fly
..Ben Johnson and lose it
..Camilla and spread
..cheap jeans and fade out of here
..Christopher Columbus and shove off
..dandruff and flake off
..deodorant and roll on
..diarrhea and run
|..Donald and duck
..Fergie and split
..horse shit and hit the trail
..Houdini and disappear
..Imelda Marcos and buy a pair of shoes
..Jaques Custeau and blow this dive
..Jesus and die for us
..Jesus and leave us
..keys and get lost
..lightening and bolt
..Linda Lovelace and blow
..Little Bo Peep's sheep and get lost
..MacArthur and fade away
..Madonna and be on your toes
..Marilyn Chambers and blow! (works with any porn star)
..Michael Jackson and beat it
..moose shit and hit the trail
..mul and head.
|..Ned Beatty and get your shit packed
..one sock and get lost
..peanutbutter and jam
..poo and ooz
|..Santa Claus and leave their presents
..silverware and get the fork out of here
..smoke and dissipate
..some crusty boxers and take off
..the birds and flock off
..the dew and evaporate
..the Sahara and desert
..the wind and blow
..traffic and jam
..virginity and get lost
..whiplash and disappear....and reappear again
..your girlfriend and blow me?
..your hand and beat it!
..your head and come to a point
..your mother and fuck me.
Spanish versions...
..Aqui se rompio una tasa
..Y cada quien a su casa
..Se nos cayo la enchilada
..Y cada quien a la chingada
Alternative Form:
Put an egg in your shoe and beat it.
Thanks to the many contributors who made this list possible. I
would like to list each individual contributor, but there are so many that
this is impractical.
Please send any additions to the list to: doug.hewko@synapse.org
--
"SCUBA Divers always * I live to dive * Standard Disclaimer applies.
do it with a buddy." * and dive to live. * Send all flames to \dev\null
* *
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--------- Keith Stone | Voice: (910) 777-0511
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