CANONICAL LISTS OF "AS FUNNY AS..."
AND "OFF LIKE..."
Last Addition: January 15 1994
As funny as..
..an arrest warrant
..a baby playing with a loaded gun
..a bag of porcupines
..a ball and chain
..a barrel of rats
..a baseball hat 'side yo' head
..a black eye
..a blind man on the freeway
..a boil in your ass
..Bozo on drugs
..a brain tumor
..a brick through a plate glass window
..a broken promise
..a bucket of blood
..a candlelight tour of a dynamite factory
..a car bomb
..a case of the crabs
..a chamber of horrors
..a chicken-wire canoe
..a cigarette machine in an emphysema ward
..a clogged drain
..a crazed diarrhetic elephant
..a cross-eyed surgeon with a case of the shakes
..a crutch
..a dead baby
..a dead baby joke in a crematorium
..a dead fish
..a death sentence
..a dirty diaper
..a double mastectomy
..a Drano emema
..a drive-by shooting
..a drunken airline pilot
..an elevator stuck between floors
..ejection sets on a helicopter
..an epileptic fit
..a face full of pimples
..a fart in an elevator
..a fart in a spacesuit
..a final exam
..a firing squad
..a five-alarm fire
..a flash flood in a Fizzies factory
..a flat tire
..a fractured skull
..a frantic flying fuck
..a frontal labotomy
..a full body cast
..a funeral
..a hairpin turn on a mountain road
..a hate crime
..a head-on collision
..a heart attack
..a hemophiliac in a briar patch
..a horseback rid with hemorrhoids
..a house full of termites
..a hungry grizzly bear in your tent
..an iron lung
..an IRS audit
..a just-peed-in swimming pool
..a lead balloon
..a leaky life raft in shark-infested waters
..a live wire in a bathtub
..a loaded barf bag
..a lump of coal in a Christmas stocking
..a maniac with a meat axe
..a morge
..a mouthful of cancer
..a natural disaster
..a near-sighted knife thrower
..a necktie party
..a nuclear meltdown
..a one-way ticket to Hell
..a pair of cement overshoes
..a pair of wet socks
..a paper cut
..a perforated parachute
..a pigeon bomb
..a plague of locusts
..a plutonium pizza
..a poke in the eye with a rusty umbrella
..a power outage on the subway
..a proctologist with cold hands
..a rabid pit bull dog in your face
..a road kill pizza
..a roller-coaster car with three loose wheels
..a room full of roaches
..a root canal
..a runaway train
..a scorpion in your shorts
..a screen door on a battleship.
..a screen door on a submarine.
..a shit sandwich
..a shoe full of dog crap
..a shrunken head
..a skunk spray
..a slaughterhouse
..a slug in the gut
..a speed trap
..a stuttering telephone solicitor with the hiccups
..a supernova up close
..a swarm of angry bees
..a swift kick in the nuts
..a tank with a kickstand.
..a tax form
..a terminal disease
..a third-degree sunburn
..a tombstone
..a traffic ticket
..a trip though a hay baler
..a turd in the punchbowl.
..an unflushed toilet.
..a used condom
..a venereal disease
..a visit from Dr. Kevorkian.
..a warrant disclaimer
..a wheelchair
..a zombie in heat
Off like..
..a bride's nightie
..a bucket of prawns in the sun. (prawns is Australian for shrimp)
..a can of bug spray.
..a cheap toupe in the wind.
..a dirty shirt.
..dirty shorts.
..a herd of turtles
..a Jewish foreskin
..a massochist whore with long fingernails
..a meat cake in a vegetarian's wedding
..a prom dress
..a turd of hurdles.
..a whore's drawers.
..your mother's undies.
Thanks to the many contributors who made this list possible. I
would like to list each individual contributor, but there are so many that
this is impractical.
Also available, posted periodically and upon request is the canonical
"Make like a *** and ***" list.
Please send any additions to the list to: doug.hewko@synapse.org
--
"SCUBA Divers always * I live to dive * Standard Disclaimer applies.
do it with a buddy." * and dive to live. * Send all flames to \dev\null
* *
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