Insights of a warped mind Every once in a while one of my teachers will say something that makes me think twice, and I find myself FORCED to write it down. Then I tend to add to it. You can see some of the strange? wierd? interesting? results below. The original teacher quotes are surrounded by asterisks. Read at your own risk. *You hit a node*. It is angry. It eats you. *Nothing happens instantaneously.* You can just be sitting around, talking about the weather and maybe drinking some brew, when all of a sudden, bang, Nothing happens. It's kind of scary. *Reject the null* "Sure, reject me. Just like everyone else. That's what they all say: `Reject the null, he's no good, you don't want him.' Well, maybe I have feelings, too. I'm sick of being rejected. No one wants me. No one likes me. Maybe I want some warm fuzzies instead of cold pricklies. Oh, I can see it's no use. No matter how many self-help books I read, nothing will change. I'll just fade into oblivion someday. Nobody cares. No one will even notice." "Wow, I didn't know he'd feel that badly about it." "Don't worry about the null, he's always like that. If he was fun to be around, do you think we'd reject him?" *Some elementary particle whose name you don't recall.* This can be really embarrasing at parties. Expecially since most elementary particles don't have an ounce of tact and tend to be extremely offended if you don't remember their names. Sometimes, they'll throw their punch at you. Then you have to go through the rest of the party with punch all over your good clothes. People will ask you, "Did you forget an elementary particle's name again?" *I just pulled polynomials out of my hat.* *The probe is flashing.* Call the cops! *I don't have any problems.* Nope, sorry, ma'am. I'm fresh out of them. Sold my last one 2 weeks ago. Yes, I know you always have relied on me to sell you stuff, but I just don't have any problems for you, ma'am. If I'd have known that you were going to need some, why of course I'd have gotten some for you. But I hadn't the faintest idea. *You have a problem if you know about gravitation.* *Make the proof work.* The best way to do this is to stand over with a whip. Craack! "Ow!" "Work, you lily-livered excuse for a proof!" *Often you have to count how many times you write "poof".* *I can't read, either.* Which raises the question of what I'm doing in a responsible position as your teacher but does resolve the point of why I accidently had you buy "Fun with knitting" instead of "Miserable, horrible, and really ugly equations." *It was radioactive material, and we had to store it.* We decided to bury it in mean old Mr. Jones' backyard because of the way he kept shooting our dogs and strangling our cats when we were kids. So far, he's only grown one extra leg, and his eyes have turned orange, but it doesn't seem to bother him. Last time we checked on him, he was chasing along after some kid's poor Siamese cat, all his (Mr. Jones') three legs going, yowling as loud as the cat was. I guess we'll have to try something else.
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