After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided
that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more
closely tied to their true feeling:
=========================================
BFD Vending Service
Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
about our vending service.
___ We are aware that _____________ machine
has not been stocked in _____ days.
___ We are waiting for the weekend.
___ We are out of items that have expired.
___ We're busy, don't bother us about this.
___ We don't care.
___ We are aware that the price for __________
seems high at $_______ but,
___ we have to make a living.
___ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.
___ we charge others more.
___ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.
___ We are aware that
___ the sodas are warm
___ the milk is curdled
___ sandwiches are stale
___ gum is hard
___ candy bars are petrified
and assure you that that is the way it
is supposed to be, really.
___ We understand that
___ the bill changer can't,
___ coin return won't,
___ product selection doesn't,
and believe that
___ you should relax, it all evens out.
___ learn to live with it.
___ bring in your own change next time.
___ be happy it gave you anything.
___ quit eating so much junk food.
Thank you and Happy Eating.
===============================================
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Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com.
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