I feel like such a fool. But wait, there's more. About 10 days ago I cut-and-pasted part of an article into mail to a friend, thinking he'd like it. Well, he did. In fact, he wants to know the author since he might use it in his next book. But I don't have that information saved anywhere - don't have the headers, subject, or newsgroup. And I can't remember where I saw it, even though I've looked all over! (Don't have access to a news spool disk.) So if anyone can point me towards the source of this document (it's quite good), *PLEASE* e-mail me! ] The Court of King George III London, England ] ] July 10, 1776 ] ] Mr. Thomas Jefferson ] c/o The Continental Congress Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ] ] Dear Mr. Jefferson: ] ] We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. ] Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your ] statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration ] as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to ] the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement. ] The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision: ] ] 1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase the "Laws of Nature and ] Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria ] on which you base your central arguments? Please document with ] citations from the recent literature. ] ] 2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind." Whose ] polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us the ] "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion. ] ] 3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident" . Could you please ] elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be ] difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. ] ] 4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals of ] your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that ] among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in six ] of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers in the ] colonies to print news without outside interference, and to raise the ] average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years, these ] could be measurable goals. Please clarify. ] ] 5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of ] these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and ] to institute a new Government...." Have you weighed this assertion ] against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off considerations? ] ] 6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a ] long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow ] it. Your problem statement needs improvement. ] ] 7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You ] state that the colonies ought to be Free and Independent States, and that ] they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown." Who or ] what must change to achieve this objective? In what way must they ] change? What specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance? ] How long will it take? We have found that a little foresight in these ] areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are ] your strategies? ] ] 8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing ] your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the theoretical research? ] Who will constitute the advisory committee? Please submit an organization ] chart and vitas of the principal investigators. ] ] 9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this ] since Queen Anne's War. ] ] 10. What impact will your problem have? .Your failure to include any ] assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range prospects ] of your undertaking. ] ] 11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, and ] manpower utilization matrix. ] ] We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration of ] Independence." We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. Our ] due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with ] original signatures will be required. ] ] Sincerely, ] ] Management Analyst to the British Crown -- This is news. This is your | Peter Scott, NASA/JPL/Caltech brain on news. Any questions? | (pjs@euclid.jpl.nasa.gov)
Back to my Political Humor Page
Back to my humor page
Back to my home page