Nathan Mates's Political Humor Archive Page

Humor, mostly related to the US political system, and the left wing thereof.

Academic Newsspeak: What they say and what they really mean
LIBERAL ARTS EDUCATION : political indoctrination
GUILT : feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions
Anagrams of British Political Figures: "The Labour Party" = Upbeat Harlotry.
A prole? Bury that!
Canonical Clinton Jokes (Big: 350K): Contains the Question & Answer, one liners, longer jokes, lists, songs, and miscellaneous ones listed below.
Carter Jokes.: Mostly replaced by Clinton Jokes, but feel free to submit some!
Comparison between Bill Clinton (Candidate) and Bill Clinton(President): cut taxes for middle class vs wants to raise them
vowed not to tamper with Social Security vs wants to tax more SS benefits
Clinton's first 100 lies: "My first priority would be to pass a jobs program, to introduce it on the first day I was inaugurated."
In May 1992 he said he wouldn't support anything that "promoted the homosexual life-style."
Clinton Lists (Top 10 and otherwise): Top Ten Signs that Slick Willie is a Minority President
Top Ten Signs that Perot is Unhappy with Slick Willie
Top Ten Advantages of a Cabinet Full of Millionaire Lawyers
Longer Clinton Jokes: UPI - NEWS FLASH! After agonizing for several days over the situation in former Yugoslavia where ethnic Serbs, Bosnians, and Muslims are engaged in a fierce civil war, President Clinton today announced that he is strongly in favor of diversity.
Miscellaneous Clinton Jokes: What he says............................What he means
"My fellow citizens"...................."Suckers"
"I didn't inhale"......................."I think you're all idiots"
"goals"................................."lies"
One-line Clinton Jokes (Bumper stickers, anagrams, etc): Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time...?"
Bill Clinton replied, "No. Some begin with 'After I'm elected...'"
Clinton Question & Answer jokes: Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter would be too dumb not to know the answer to this one.
Songs about Clinton & Company: _The Star Spangled Banner_
(revised for co-president Bill)
Oh, say can you see, a Clinton presidency?
Where we all get poor
Albeit e-qual-ly
Clinton's Promises (and checklists on when he broke them): 1 "Vote for me and we'll produce more natural gas in Texas."
4 "I promise you I will never bash public employees."
Cow owners in various political systems: IF A...COMMUNIST has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.
NAZI has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows
Response of the King George III to the Declaration of Independence: 1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase the "Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.
Arguments for establishing gun control: The Soviet Union established gun control in 1929. From 1929 to 1953, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
Top 59 mistakes made by Adolf Hitler: 1. Land War in Asia
10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
16. Bad toupe
Songs about Ted Kennedy: THE PHILANDERER & KENNA-DAY-O
Who Killed Kennedy? (to the tune of The 12 days of Christmas): On November 22nd, who killed Kennedy?
2 Mafia thugs
and a lone nut by the name of Lee
Comparison between Libertarians and Anarchists: Anarchists believe property is theft. Libertarians believe everything is property.
Anarchists ignore the IRS; Libertarians hire accountants and attorneys to fight them.
Loony Laws of the US: In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
Managed Caring: Welcome to Managed Caring(tm), a whole new way of thinking about friendship. The Managed Caring Plan(tm) combines all the advantages of a "traditional" friendship network with important cost-saving features.
Paula vs. Clinton: A copy of the brief filed by Paula Jones against William Jefferson Clinton, and Danny Ferguson.
Political Correctness Manifesto: Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?
Sure. As a matter of fact, most people at the forefront of the PC grand destiny ARE white males. But remember, as a white male, you must constantly feel guilty.
Political Correctness Manifesto #2: 1. I recognize two categories of people: A) Oppressors: all white, male heterosexuals who are able-bodied and of sound mind, with some partial, concessionary exceptions for white, able-bodied, sound-minded, male heterosexuals of Marxist leanings or who show clear, visible and severe signs of economic deprivation; and B) Victims: all those, human or otherwise, who do not fit into category A, with the exclusion of unborn potential human victims.
A Politically Correct Christmas: 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
Political Incorrectness: DETECTING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
It's a lousy job, but someone's gotta do it... the course starts with the history of PC, tracing it from those nasty liberals using it to describe their opponent's insincere lip-service to equality, right through to the modern usage to indicate ANY OPINION TO THE LEFT OF ATILLA THE HUN!
Politically correct terms: conservative -> reactionary
The Establishment -> White Power Elite
hearing person -> temporarily aurally abled
Politically Correct University classes: Well, in this enlightened age, all humans should endeavour to become more tolerant of others. And what better way to learn how to become tolerant than through the wonderful institution of Political Correctness. It is totally voluntary to sign up for as many of these courses as you wish. However, if you do not, you are showing yourself to be a neo-nazi skinhead.
A followup on Clinton's Promises: 4/8/93 - "After promising during his campaign to buy more park and recreation lands, President Clinton is proposing funding substantially below what George Bush spent for that purpose, an administration official confirmed yesterday." PD
Rush Limbaugh's 35 Truths: 1. The greatest threat to humanity lies in the nuclear arsenal of the Soviet Union.
2. The single greatest threat to the free people of the world is posed by the Soviet Union.
3. Peace does not mean the removal of nuclear weapons.
Russia Crisis II: RED OCTOBER II: THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF RUSSIA
Slick Willie Movie poster: DLC Studios presents
BILL CLINTON as "SLICK WILLIE"
in a BLOODWORTH-THOMASON production
Executive Producer: RON BROWN
Directed By: JAMES CARVILLE
Screenplay by: GEORGE MCGOVERN
Based on the Book By: GLORIA STEINEM
Music by: SISTER SOULJAH Performed by: ICE-T

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