Managed Caring

| .......................................................................
|
|                       Managed Caring(tm)
|                    By Richard Liebmann-Smith
|             (An editor of American Health Magazine.)
|
|      Welcome to Managed Caring(tm), a whole new way of thinking about
|  friendship.  The Managed Caring Plan(tm) combines all the advantages
|  of a "traditional" friendship network with important cost-saving
|  features.
|
|  - How does it work ?
|
|      Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of
|  pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers.  All of your friendship
|  needs are met by members of your Managed Caring(tm) panel.
|
|  - What's wrong with my friends ?
|
|      If you're like most people, you're probably receiving Friendship
|  Services from a network of Providers haphazardly patched together
|  based on where you've lived, worked, or gone to school  The result is
|  costly duplication, inefficiency and conflict.  Some Providers may not
|  meet national standards, responding to your needs with inappropriate,
|  outmoded, or experimental behavior.  Under Managed Caring(tm), your
|  friendship needs are coordinated by a designated Best Friend, who
|  Cares(tm) about the quality of all your Friendships.
|
|  - How do I know these aren't just a bunch of losers who can't make
|  friends on their own ?
|
|      Many of today's most dedicated and highly trained Friendship
|  Provides are as concerned as we are about delivering quality
|  Caring(tm) in a cost-effective way.  They have joined our network
|  because they want to focus on Caring(tm) for you rather than devoting
|  their resources to the paperwork and high Bad Friendship premiums that
|  have sent the cost of traditional Friendship Delivery system
|  skyrocketing.  Our Friendship providers have met our rigorous standards
|  of loyalty.
|
|  - What if I need a Special Friend, say for poker or fishing ?
|
|      Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary
|  Friendship Procedures that have sent the cost of the traditional
|  Friendship Delivery system skyrocketing.  By training, experience, and
|  by virtue of knowing you for what you really are, your Best Friend is
|  qualified to refer you to a Special Friend within the Managed
|  Caring(tm) network should your needs fall outside the scope of his or
|  her excellent training.
|
|  - Suppose I want to see friends outside the Managed Caring(tm)
|  network?  Can my Best Friend ever refer me to them ?
|
|      No.  The only time you can see a Friendship Provider without first
|  consulting your Best Friend is in the event of a Friendship Emergency.
|
|  - What's that ?
|
|      The Managed Caring(tm) Plan covers your friendship needs 24 hours
|  a day, 365 days a year anywhere in the world, even if you need a
|  friend out of town, after business hours, or when your Best Friend is
|  Caring(tm) for someone else.  You may be on a business trip and find
|  yourself lonely.  In such a case, you may make a New Friend, and all
|  appropriate Friendship Procedures delivered in this Emergency
|  Friendship will be covered under the plan, provided you notify us
|  within two business days.
|
|  - What Friendship Procedures are covered under the Plan ?
|
|      Typical Friendship Procedures covered include (but are not limited
|  to): Chewing the fat, slinging the bull, shooting the breeze, hanging
|  out, checking in, cheering up, kidding around, dropping over,
|  partying, moaning, gossiping, joshing, ribbing, holding your hand,
|  patting your back.
|
|  - Are any Friendship Procedures not covered under the Plan ?
|
|      Yes.  Ineligible services include (but are not limited to):
|  drinking in excess of six ounces of alcoholic beverages, lending sums
|  in excess of $5, going the extra mile, exchanging ethnic or dirty
|  jokes, and sex.
|
|  - How can I find out if the Friendship Procedure I need is covered ?
|
|      If you need a Friendship Procedure, call the toll-free number on
|  your Managed Caring(tm) I.D. card to arrange for precertification of
|  the proposed Procedure.  All appropriate Procedures will be approved
|  for coverage within 24 business hours.
|
|  - But who decides what's appropriate for me ?
|
|      We do.  Isn't that what friends are for ?

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