We interrupt this USENET to bring you this special report:
RED OCTOBER II: THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF RUSSIA
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Good evening. I'm Chris Wolvie. Well, the standoff of the Russian
Parliment is over. The leaders have surrendered and Boris Yeltsin is
back in power. So for those who take USA TODAY's Dannyy Sheridan at his
200-1 odds against Yeltsin getting power back, start paying up!
Monday afternoon, Moscow time, Russian President Boris Yeltsin sent his
tanks over to the Russian White House, the Parliment building, and
attacked to get the main Parliment officials, who have been holed up in
the building for two weeks, out of the building. The leaders said that
the tanks themselves did not frighten them into surrendering, but, they
say, "One of the men used a megaphone and threatened to bring in the T.
Rex from 'Jurrasic Park' if we didn't give up!"
This comes about 24 hours after Yeltsin announced the "state of
emergency" in Moscow because of the increase in violence. Early Monday,
TV stations showed their "Emergency Broadcast System" to inform the
people about the announcement. Early polls state that this was the most
watched show ever in Russian history!
Now this...
(Scenes of the tanks bombarding the Russian White House and the leaders
surrendering while "When You Wish Upon A Star" is sung in the background.
Shot of smiling Yeltsin."
Voice: Boris Yeltsin, for the second time in a little over two years,
you have stopped a major coup! What are you going to do now?
Yeltsin: I'M GOING TO EURODISNEY! But, don't worry; I'll leave the
tanks behind!
(Shot of EuroDisney)
One man was killed in the fighting: an American in the U.S. Embassy
blocks away from the Russian White House. Many had suspected a sniper,
but an injured U.S. Marine said, "No, it was me. It was the only way to
stop his blasted panicking!"
One final note on this: U.S. President Bill Clinton has backed Yeltsin
all the way, and claimed that violence was the only thing left for
Yeltsin to use to "keep the democracy" in Russia, and.....
THIS JUST IN: The combined military forces of the U.S. are bombarding
the U.S. White House in Washington. A high-ranked spokesman says that
this is the only way that the U.S. democracy can be saved! Good luck,
boys!
And that's the news. I'm Chris Wolvie, like it or not!
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This has been a No Witness News Special Report. We now join the
Emergency Broadcast System, already in progress.
Chris Wolvie
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"Jafar, you...you vile betrayer!"
'That's SULTAN Vile Betrayer to YOU!!'
-Sultan and Iago, _ALADDIN_
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