Questionnaire for Singles seeking ...
In order to economize on the often seamier and resource consuming side of a
sometimes wretched process called "dating", it occurs to me that a
questionnaire is in order! Ask your intended to circle the choices in the
following questionnaire. Scoring of course is optional!
Additions, changes, corrections are encouraged to show@netcom.com, attn: Obo
1. I am
i) still single
ii) divorced once
iii) divorced twice
iv) have lost count
2. The number of lovers I have had
i) can be counted on my fingers
ii) can be counted on my fingers and my toes.
iii) can be counted on everyone's fingers and toes.
3. I _________ an "SO" (significant other).
a) have not
b) have, it is i) a spouse
ii) someone of the same sex
iii) someone of each sex
iv) several of mixed sexes
v) a household pet
vi) one or more small farm animals
vii) two or more of the above
4. I _________ use chemical substances (circle all that apply).
a) do not
b) do, they are i) alcohol, occasionally
ii) alcohol, moderately
iii) alcohol, frequently
iv) I own a private distillery
v) prosaic when I'm feeling great
vi) zoloff because my prosaic ran out
vii) zanex when I'm not suicidal
viii) commercially packaged stuff that you smoke
ix) fluffy white powders that you sniff or smoke
x) brown stuff that you just smoke
xi) things that I can no longer use because
I am on probation.
5. Financially, I am
i) independent
ii) employed
iii) in between employment opportunities
iv) living on public support
v) living on spousal support
vi) still trying to get spousal support
vii) still trying to get child support
viii) still trying to find the ex
ix) working for the government
6. Physically, I am
i) healthy
ii) a fitness nut
iii) suffering from _______________________ syndrome.
(fill in the blank)
iv) suffering from terminal illness.
v) physically impaired
vi) mentally impaired
vii) missing 1 or more important appendages
viii) missing some really important equipment
ix) have changed equipment
x) sick of dating
xi) really sick of filling out this questionnaire
7. Sexually, I prefer i) safe sex
ii) unsafe sex
iii) sex with one of the opposite sex
iv) sex with one of the same sex
v) sex with either sex
vi) sex with other species (not including current SO)
vii) two or more of the above
viii) dancing ... we've given up
8. With regard to sexual frequency, I prefer sex (circle all that apply)
i) never
ii) when chemically induced
iii) with a partner
iv) without a partner
v) once a year
vi) once a month
vii) once a week
viii) once a day
ix) ... I'm of Italian decent
9. With regard to sexually transmitted diseases,
i) I am free of disease
ii) I don't know if I have a disease
iii) I don't care if I have a disease
iv) I am dying of a disease and don't care
v) I have sores that don't go away
vi) I have crusty spots that hurt
vii) some important stuff has fallen off
10. With regard to having children,
i) I don't have any
ii) my biological clock is ticking
iii) I have kids and want more
iv) I did that - no thanks
v) I'm dating one now
11. With regard to fidelity, I
i) want a monogamous relationship
ii) want multiple partners
iii) want to become a rutting pig
iv) think monogamy is a Milton Bradley board game
v) think my SO doesn't understand me
vi) think my SO will really not understand my dating
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