Humorous Tests

Concrete Language Operation Test

11. If the Vice President of the United States should die, who would be President? a. The Speaker of the House.
b. The Secretary of State.
c. The President Pro Temp.
d. The President.

Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) Test

5. Cobaine fans say Kurt spoke for them because?
a. While they watch, love and believe in Barney, they are not sure if he is a real person.
b. They are losers.

Computer Geek

1. It's your birthday and your parents give you are large parcel. You hope:
a. It's expensive
b. It's something that'll help you "score"
c. It's got an alcohol content
d. It's a full height 5 meg hard-disk for your computer museum

Dating test

10. With regard to having children,
i) I don't have any
ii) my biological clock is ticking
iii) I have kids and want more
iv) I did that - no thanks
v) I'm dating one now

Dating test II

6) I have the proper height/weight ratio for:
(A) the average human of my age and gender
(B) Gorgo, the four-head Dragon
(C) a washer and dryer set
(D) Ireland
(E) My gelatenous mass cannot be measured at any given moment for I am an ever-shifting entity

Electrical Engineer purity test

0 Have you ever discharged a capacitor?
1 Done 0 twice in one day?
10 Done 0 with your tongue?
11 Have you ever doped silicon?
100 Done 11 with someone else?
101 Done 11 with two or more people?
110 Done 11 with someone without knowing their name?

English Pronunciation test

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Hacker Test 1.1

0x007 Have you ever missed a class while programming?
0x008 ... Missed an examination?
0x009 ... Missed a wedding?
0x00A ... Missed your own wedding?

Los Angles Math Proficiency Exam

1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. If Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

Mathematics Purity Test

1) Have you ever been excited about math?
2) Had an exciting dream about math?
3) Made a mathematical calculation?
4) Manipulated the numerator of an equation?
5) Manipulated the denominator of an equation?
6) On your first problem set?

Mathmo test

MANNERISMS
Have you used the word "trivial" more than twice in the last 24 hours?
Would you answer "Do you know the time?" with "Yes"?
Would you answer "Is it still raining or has it stopped?" with "Yes"?
When people make grammatical errors do you correct them?
If someone accused you of "pedanticism" would you reply "pedantry"?

Nerd Test

16) Do you sit in the front row?
17) Do you take notes in more than one color?
18) Have you ever worn a calculator?
19) Do you read science fiction?
20) Have you ever used a microscope?
21) Have you ever used a telescope?
22) Have you ever used an oscilloscope?
23) Is your weight less than your IQ?

Nerd Test #2

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly Ogle
B. Act Non-Chalant
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.
2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You:
A. Tell them to bugger off
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.

Nerd Test #3

5. Have you ever taken a science course? (Biology, Physics, Chemistry)
6. ...at the college level?
7. ...and received an A (3.7 grade point)?
8. Are you still capable of doing what you learned in the course of #5?
9. Have you ever majored in the "hard sciences"? (engineering, physics
chemistry, etc. but excluding psychology, economics, etc.)
10. Have you ever taken Latin?

1994 Winter Olympics Test

1. Tonya Harding has called herself:
a) The mother of skating
b) The Mother Theresa of skating
c) The Charles Manson of skating
d) The Charles Barkley of skating

Operating Systems & Users quiz

1. What appliaction do you expect to use the most?
DOS) Spreadsheet
OS/2) large complex database
Windows) solitaire
Unix) GREP

2. What is your favourite TV show?
DOS) "Nova"
OS/2) "The MacNeil-Lehrer Report"
Windows) "Woody Woodpecker"
Unix) the 3:00am test pattern

Personality Test

4. Of the following foods, the one I prefer is:
a) ladyfingers
b) truffles
c) tiny little tea cakes
d) good red meat

Pre-dating quiz for women

1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals

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