My local paper ran this today (2/22/94), and I got a good chuckle
from it...Scores and ratings appear in the next article.
Ice Follies Trivia
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1. Tonya Harding has called herself:
a) The mother of skating
b) The Mother Theresa of skating
c) The Charles Manson of skating
d) The Charles Barkley of skating
2. In a commercial for Campbell Soup, Nancy Kerrigan:
a) Throws a bowl of chunky chicken soup at Tonya Harding
b) Goes bowling with her friends
c) Rides on a float in the Rose Bowl parade
d) Bowls over a hockey player
3. Among the advertisers Nancy Kerrigan is representing are:
a) Evian
b) Canada Dry club soda
c) The Club
d) Club Med
4. Nike gave Tonya Harding $25,000:
a) For her legal defense fund
b) To be like Mike
c) To hug Nancy Kerrigan
d) To not wear the company's shoes
5. Nancy Kerrigan was paid a rumored $2 million for:
a) Signing a contract with Disney
b) Signing a contract with Crest toothpaste
c) Negotiating Troy Aikman's $50 million contract
d) Signing a record contract to be the fourth Beatle
6. Tonya Harding has been interviewed by:
a) David Letterman
b) David Letterman's mom
c) The woman who keeps breaking into David Letterman's house
d) Connie Chung
7. Tonya Harding's mother:
a) Appeared on 60 Minutes with a live parrot on her shoulder
b) Gave Tonya a horse to bribe her to quit skating
c) Collapsed on the set of The Montel Williams Show
d) All of the above
8. Tonya Harding appeared in public in a T-shirt that read:
a) "I'm with Stupid"
b) "My bodyguard went to jail and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"
c) "No comment"
d) "I'm good enough,I'm smart enough,and doggone it,people like me"
9. While in Norway for the Olympics, Nancy Kerrigan got a good
telegram from:
a) Fabio
b) The Menendez brothers
c) Troy Aikman
d) Troy Aikman, Texas
10. Tonya Harding performed her nationals skating routine to:
a) The theme from Jurassic Park
b) The theme from Jaws
c) The theme from Deliverance
d) The theme from Shaft
11. Nancy Kerrigan's costumes are made by:
a) Designer to the stars Vera Wang
b) Vera, Norm's wife on Cheers
c) Vera from Mel's diner on Alice
d) Billy Vera and the Beaters
12. Tonya Harding's costumes are made by:
a) Designer to the stars Frederick's of Hollywood
b) Harley Davidson
c) Cher
d) None of the above
13. The Sunday before she left for Norway, Tonya Harding:
a) Was visited at her home by members of the Seattle grunge band
Pearl Jam
b) Went to church, renounced her sinful life, and was told by a
preacher, "Now you are not only skating for America, but are
skating for Christ."
c) Went to church and afterward apologized for being such a "bad
sport"
d) Went to charm school
14. Tonya Harding sued:
a) Her parents for physical and psychological abuse
b) Her costume designer for sartorial abuse
c) Her hairdresser for follicular abuse
d) The US Olympic Committee for $25 million
15. Mary Jo Buttafuoco thanked Tonya Harding for:
a) Not showing up at her door
b) Not sending bodyguard Shawn Eckhardt to her door
c) Not dating her husband
d) Finally getting her husband,Joey,and Amy Fisher out of the news
16. Nancy Kerrigan's father raised money for skating lessons
by driving:
a) A Zamboni machine
b) Miss Daisy
c) In the Daytona 500
d) A school bus
17. To raise money for skating lessons, Tonya Harding:
a) Worked at a Jiffy Lube
b) Hustled pool
c) Made a cameo appearance in The Bodyguard
d) Collected cans along the side of the road
18. Tonya Harding is entertaining offers after the Olympics to:
a) Join American Gladiators in the role of "Ice"
b) Give a series of paid interviews to the tabloid show Inside
Edition
c) Skate in Roller Derby
d) Mode "No Excuses" jeans
19. After the Olympics, Nancy Kerrigan will:
a) Join the pro skating tour to play the "Little Mermaid on Ice"
b) Host Saturday Night Live
c) Cut a country album with Troy Aikman
d) Star in Brooke Shield's Life Story
20. Tonya Harding was the first American woman to successfully:
a) Eat a single Lay's potato chip
b) Act as a stunt double for Drew Barrymore
c) Complete a triple axel in competition
d) Perform a quadruple bypass
21. Tonya Harding was married to:
a) Vince Gill
b) Jeff Gillooly
c) Gilligan
d) Gilbert Godfried
22. Among the people who auditioned for the role of Nancy Kerrigan
in Comedy Central's upcoming film "Spunk: the Tonya Harding
Story" were:
a) Eddie, the dog on Frasier
b) Brooke Shields
c) Foster Brooks
d) A male skater in a skirt
23. Tonya Harding is considering doing a photo layout for:
a) Playboy
b) Popular Mechanics
c) True Romance
d) True Detective
24. Nancy Kerrigan is the subject of several instant books,
including:
a) The Kerrigan Courage
b) The Care Bears Go to Norway
c) The Unsinkable Nancy Kerrigan
d) Bury My Medal at Wounded Knee
25. Tonya Harding has promised to pay back all the people who
have supported her by:
a) Giving a portion of the money she receives from endorsements
and paid interviews to charity
b) Winning a gold medal
c) Giving her gold medal to charity
d) Disappearing from the face of the Earth after the Olympics,
never to be seen again. Ever. Ever. Not even on Hard Copy.
--
+----------------------------------+------------------------------------+
| Calling from my home... | Reader, suppose you were an idiot. |
| | And suppose you were a member of |
| alan%odie@rwsys.lonestar.org | Congress. But I repeat myself. |
| | - Mark Twain |
+----------------------------------+------------------------------------+
And now the answers for the Ice Follies Trivia Quiz.
1. D 6. D 11. A 16. A 21. B
2. D 7. D 12. D 17. D 22. D
3. A 8. C 13. B 18. B 23. A
4. A 9. C 14. D 19. B 24. A
5. A 10. A 15. D 20. C 25. A and B
SCORING GUIDE:
--------------
Perfect score: You deserve to be a correspondent for Hard Copy
20-24 correct: Gold
15-19 correct: Silver
10-14 correct: Bronze
Less than 10: Catch up on your tabloid reading
--
+----------------------------------+------------------------------------+
| Calling from my home... | Reader, suppose you were an idiot. |
| | And suppose you were a member of |
| alan%odie@rwsys.lonestar.org | Congress. But I repeat myself. |
| | - Mark Twain |
+----------------------------------+------------------------------------+
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